Tom Hardy: Frank Farmer
These are new photos of Tom Hardy on the set of Legend. He’s playing the Kray twins. They were gangsters. Can we talk about The Bodyguard now?
My friend-boss Nanci and I, for some reason, have been reminiscing a lot about The Bodyguard lately. The Bodyguard is one of those movies you stop and watch when it comes on television. Like Pretty Woman. Steel Magnolias. While You Were Sleeping. The Breakfast Club. She’s All That.
Whitney was magnificent. And God Kevin Costner was hot back then.
Anyway, Nanci and I have spent the last couple of days thinking very hard on how to cast The Bodyguard remake. Like, IF the movie is remade, it should ONLY be remade this way. With Tom Hardy playing Frank Farmer.
Now imagine him rescuing Rachel Marron from the overpacked night club, picking her up into his arms and putting her into the car. Who is Rachel Marron? Um, OBVIOUSLY. OBVIOUSLY!!!
Next, the crazy sister, Nicki. Come on. You know this:
On to the slick British manager, remember? Sy? We’ve decided he’s American now, but equally as skeevy. Bradley Cooper, The Wedding Crashers version:
As for the role originated by Bill Cobbs, the kindly Devaney, it will now played by Don Cheadle:
For Henry, the endearing rookie driver who becomes Frank’s star pupil, we’re putting a woman in the role instead: Ellen Page!
The panty-sniffer? You know that guy? The weirdo with the frazzled hair? Totally Theon Greyjoy.
And the proper assassin, the one who’s the real threat – you’ll recall, Rachel was attracted to that dude at a party, so he has to be kinda sexy with a f-cked up creep vibe underneath. Who’s perfect? Michael Fassbender.
Finally, we come to Big Tony who gets schooled by Frank in the kitchen and becomes one of Frank’s most loyal soldiers. We’re going with Seth Rogen.
Are we crowdfunding this movie, or what?