Royal Smut Articles

Tuesday, July 22, 2014
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Dear Gossips,

It’s Big G’s first birthday! His parents have urged the public to refrain from sending gifts, not only because that child has everything he could possible want, but also because that child only wants things he can crush. Like butterflies.

More images have been released from Big G’s visit to the butterfly exhibit, his parents gifting us with two more shots of the Bruiser Prince. As you can see, he’s fascinated by them, and at one point, reaches out to touch one on his father’s hand. That poor butterfly must have been like F-ck Me, how did I get chosen to hang out with the Gregor Clegane of the Windsor line?

And then there’s Blake Lively who launched Preserve late yesterday, reportedly two days ahead of schedule, clearly not intimidated by the royal milestone. I have some thoughts on Preserve from a gossip perspective. And Maria will be analysing it from the lifestyle business side with the experience she has as Managing Editor of Vitamin Daily.

It’s time for the Nerd Herd too. Comic-Con begins this week. Sarah’s preview will be post today.

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

Big G on his feet

July 21, 2014 15:16:14 Posted at July 21, 2014 15:16:14
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
JOHN STILLWELL/ Getty

Big Prince G turns 1 tomorrow and to commemorate the milestone, his parents have released a photo of him for the first time on his feet, all by himself. It was taken a couple of weeks ago at the National History Museum in London where they were visiting the Sensational Butterflies exhibition. Um. Full Story

Wednesday, July 16, 2014
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Dear Gossips,

Prince Big G’s big first birthday is next Tuesday. PEOPLE has him on the cover this week to celebrate with details about his life. He’s one. I mean, I love that kid and the aggro Henry VIII genes bashing around is his blood stream but even I can’t be bothered to care about the mundane day-to-day activities of the future king, unless it involves food fights, antique destruction, taking a sh-t on his great grandmother’s lap, and being corrupted by his uncle Hot Harry. Pretty sure that’s not going to be in the article. 

Yesterday I received a BREAKING NEWS ALERT in my inbox. I always click on those first.

Nick Lachey and wife Vanessa Minnillo pregnant with daughter.

This is breaking news? Two D list celebrities, married to each other, expecting a second child?

Now here’s a pregnancy I do care about (sort of): according to US Weekly  Read Full Intro

The Prince’s forehand

July 16, 2014 20:05:29 Posted at July 16, 2014 20:05:29
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
Ian Gavan/ Getty

Prince William visited the Coventry War Memorial Park today to mark the centenary of the First World War. He met with his people, he played with the children, and he showed us what his forehand might look like. What about his forehead? Or, rather, the top of his head? That’s what people were talking about today re: the cover of Vanity Fair. Full Story

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Uncle for the second time?

July 14, 2014 21:22:59 Posted at July 14, 2014 21:22:59
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
Mike Marsland/ Getty

Prince Hot Harry on a Horse was on his horse this weekend at a polo match. I do like a ginger in red. Uncle Ginger might be an uncle again…that is if you believe Jessica Hay. Hay claims to be an old friend of Katy Cambridge. When Katy was pregnant with Big G, it was Hay who told the media that she was expecting (November 2012) and that she’d be making an announcement the following month. Full Story

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Prince underwater

July 9, 2014 18:01:01 Posted at July 9, 2014 18:01:01
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
JUSTIN TALLIS /WPA Pool /Getty Images

Prince Charles and Prince William visited with the UK governing body for scuba diving today. Then Will went underwater. In a wetsuit. You want me to be perv for you? In some shots he covered with a towel. But I did find one for you of him descending into the pool. Have at ‘er. He’s in pretty good shape, non? Will was busy today. Full Story

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Men of Wales

July 8, 2014 20:15:44 Posted at July 8, 2014 20:15:44
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
Daniel Deme /WENN, Chris Jackson /Pascal Le Segretain /Julian Herbert /Anthony Harvey /Getty Images

Prince Charles was joined by his sons, Princes William and Harry, at the Business in the Community National Gala Dinner & Awards tonight in London at Royal Albert Hall. Do we all look younger when we hang out with our parents? For some reason, seeing the three of them together here has got me a little nostalgic. Full Story

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Sporty royal weekend

July 7, 2014 15:47:04 Posted at July 7, 2014 15:47:04
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
Chris Jackson /Getty Images, Splash News

The Cambridges and Hot Harry were on hand to celebrate the first stage of the Tour de France this weekend. Kate wore green and I wonder if she was too hot. She laughed and touched her stomach and everyone else is wondering if she's expecting another baby. They're waiting for the spare. They can't wait for the spare. Full Story

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Happy Fourth!

July 4, 2014 19:25:24 Posted at July 4, 2014 19:25:24
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
David M. Benett/ Getty

I didn’t even know these pictures existed until Jackie emailed earlier this week, gushing. Thanks Jackie! Sorry Jackie! But you were gushing! Thought it would be a good way to send you on your weekend – Hot Harry and Tom Hardy who might not be holding a puppy but also isn’t looking weirdly unattractive in costume. Full Story

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The future king is a mouth-breather

July 3, 2014 13:46:41 Posted at July 3, 2014 13:46:41
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
Wenn, Chris Watt/ Getty

A new portrait of Prince William was revealed yesterday by artist Dan Llywelyn Hall who, I’m sure, is a lovely person. But…um… I have so many questions. Why does he have a sunburn? Why is he using concealer? Why is there a creepy ass ghost lingering by his left hear? WHY IS HE A MOUTH-BREATHER? Here’s Will, will his mouth closed, today in Edinburgh with his grandparents and his aunt at the Thistle Service at St Giles Cathedral. Full Story

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Will, Kate, and Genie

July 2, 2014 14:07:53 Posted at July 2, 2014 14:07:53
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
Karwai Tang/ Getty

Genie Bouchard! Canada’s golden girl won her quarterfinal match today at Wimbledon, advancing to the semifinals…which will be her THIRD grand slam semi this year. Wimbledon. They call it the “cathedral of tennis”. And Genie calls herself a princess, sometimes. Well, there was a princess in the cathedral today. Full Story

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Hot Harry’s Chilean dancing

June 30, 2014 14:52:10 Posted at June 30, 2014 14:52:10
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
Chris Jackson /Getty Images

It was a full weekend for Prince Harry in Chile. The bonus: we got some dancing. Check him out trying to contain his hips during a visit to the Fundacion Amigos de Jesus daycare centre in Santiago yesterday. He also played patty-cakes with a boy called Russel and hung out with some young bike riders. Full Story

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Hot Harry’s 3 change day

June 26, 2014 15:07:25 Posted at June 26, 2014 15:07:25
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
Chris Jackson/ Pool/ Getty Images

It was day 3 for Prince Harry in Brazil. Third day, three wardrobe changes. That’s how busy he was. He attended a reception in a suit. He put on a Team Brazil jersey and jeans while playing with the kids. And he had on a dark green shirt and jeans for a visit to the rainforest. Pit stains! Along the way, he met with struggling citizens, children who’d lost parents, people with addictions, demonstrating the compassion and kindness that his made his mother so irresistible, at one point getting emotional while hearing their stories. Full Story

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The Queen and the Iron Throne

June 24, 2014 19:50:54 Posted at June 24, 2014 19:50:54
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
Handout/ Pool/ Getty

It’s right there! Right there! Sit on it! She didn’t. And maybe that’s a smart move. Because nothing good, so far, has come from anyone sitting on the Iron Throne. Her Majesty visited the set of Game Of Thrones today in Belfast. Certain members from the cast were there too. Full Story

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