Smutty Surgery Articles

As IF, Granny Freeze

February 1, 2013 21:20:35 Posted at February 1, 2013 21:20:35
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Jen Lowery/ Splash

I wrote last week that I prefer the Joan Rivers way of face-jacking which is that she does it and she doesn’t lie about it. Ashley Judd wrote a piece with big words lecturing everyone last year after the Internet went crazy about what she called, at the time, a reaction to “steroid medication” due to illness. Full Story

Granny humps for Matt Damon

January 25, 2013 20:41:18 Posted at January 25, 2013 20:41:18
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Did you see Jimmy Kimmel Sucks hosted by Matt Damon last night? I was Nyquiled so I only watched this morning, in bits and pieces because the entire show is geo-blocked and YouTube has the individual segments spliced up. Heads up Americans, before you send a recommendation, Hulu is geo-blocked too. Full Story

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Blush Dresses at the Globes: Amy Adams and Megan Fox

January 14, 2013 17:32:35 Posted at January 14, 2013 17:32:35
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Jason Merritt/ Kevin Winter/ ROBYN BECK/ Getty

Is that what you call it? Blush? So much of it. Too much of it. And strapless. And all of a similar shape. Let’s start with Amy Adams who...I mean Duana and I hated it the minute we saw it. Look at the bottom. It’s sh-tting tulle. The dress is SH-ITTING tulle. Here it comes, you ready? It’s sh-tting tulle because. Full Story

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Post-Natal Pretend Face

December 3, 2012 20:44:08 Posted at December 3, 2012 20:44:08
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Vera Anderson/Getty

Megan Fox is promoting This Is 40. She was at a press conference in Beverly Hills the other day, one of her first official work engagements since having her baby, which, I don’t remember his name right now and can’t be bothered to Google but my point is that I can remember what Gwyneth Paltrow wore 12 years ago to a particular premiere and it’s just interesting the details your brain will hold on to. Full Story

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See Granny as Grace

October 9, 2012 18:34:30 Posted at October 9, 2012 18:34:30
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Bauer, FameFlynet

I believe these are the first shots of Nicole Kidman on set in Monaco as Grace Kelly. If this is a wig, it’s a very good one. Or did she take her extensions out? Princess Grace’s title, like that of her daughter-in-law Charlene, was Her Serene Highness. And Granny Freeze certainly looks serene here. Full Story

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The judge’s wife has three lips

September 5, 2012 18:19:37 Posted at September 5, 2012 18:19:37
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Al Bello/Getty

TMZ just reported that Mariah Carey’s American Idol is supposed to start auditioning in two weeks and so far she’s the only judge. Yeah? What’s the problem? TMZ says the problem is that producers are hoping for 4 judges; two of them - Nicki Minaj and Keith Urban - are still negotiating their deals and they’ve no ideas for the final person on the panel. Full Story

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Granny at the Games

July 30, 2012 14:36:10 Posted at July 30, 2012 14:36:10
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Wenn, Dave M. Benett/Mike Marsland/Getty

This is Nicole Kidman’s first public appearance since Katie Holmes broke up with the Church Of Scientology to become Courage Mom, superhero, saving Suri from a life of auditing and being groomed to marry David Miscavige, thus thrusting Nicole’s post-Cruise parenting back into the spotlight. Full Story

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Madonna & Michelle Pfeiffer

June 18, 2012 20:54:08 Posted at June 18, 2012 20:54:08
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Wenn, Fame/Flynet, New Press Photo/Splash

Are the same age. I guess there are many different ways of doing it... Here’s Michelle Pfeiffer this weekend at the premiere of People Like Us. She looks lovely. She doesn’t look like she’s fighting it. Do you remember her in Tequila Sunrise? This is my favourite Mel Gibson movie. Full Story

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Is this Grace’s face?

June 18, 2012 18:08:05 Posted at June 18, 2012 18:08:05
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Cole Bennetts/Getty

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban attended a fundraiser on Saturday night in Sydney. For a while there I thought she might not be messing with her face so much... Now I’m not so sure. Also, is it just me or are her teeth bigger? I spent time recently at an event with a dentist who gave me some fascinating information on celebrity tooth strategy. Full Story

Mousey Granny!

May 1, 2012 16:51:35 Posted at May 1, 2012 16:51:35
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Here are Nicole Kidman and Colin Firth shooting The Railway Man in Perth. I quite like her with brown hair. It softens all that sh-t she’s done to her face even though, from this distance, and in a blurry shot, that third upper lip is as bloated as ever. I really wish she’d stop muting her talent with her obsession to stay unwrinkled. Full Story

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I can’t find your point because you are too smart

April 9, 2012 19:49:52 Posted at April 9, 2012 19:49:52
Lainey Posted by Lainey

A few years ago, there was an article floating around about Ashley Judd being the most “erudite” celebrity on the list of Erudite Celebrities. Is it because she’s so well educated? Perhaps. But I wonder if it isn’t because she wrestles you down on the ground with her big words and mashes them in your face until you concede. Full Story

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Granny Freeze Grace

April 9, 2012 14:16:53 Posted at April 9, 2012 14:16:53
Sarah Posted by Sarah

I had such a huge lady crush on Nicole Kidman ten years ago, circa Moulin Rouge. Unlike my lady crush on Lucy Liu, though, the crush on Kidman did not survive the ensuing years and her increasingly frozen face. She made me too sad to crush on her. But maybe Pre-Frozen Nicole is making a comeback. As Entertainment Weekly noted Full Story

No gloves for Granny

April 2, 2012 19:12:09 Posted at April 2, 2012 19:12:09
Lainey Posted by Lainey
JIM RUYMEN/UPI/Landov, Jason Merritt/Getty

We discussed it in reference to Madonna and SJP earlier this year. Click here and here for articles on Hand Shame. What happens when the hands don’t match the face? At the time I wondered about Hand Surgery. Full Story

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Madge’s LA Face & Ass

March 26, 2012 16:20:06 Posted at March 26, 2012 16:20:06
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Tim Mosenfelder/Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

Madonna appeared on stage at the Ultra Music Festival in Miami, because she’s all the club tracks, this weekend with Avicci who worked on MDNA which drops tomorrow. I haven’t heard the entire album. But I think I’ll like it OK. As in a few catchy beats, something to throw on at the gym, but perhaps not super memorable. Full Story

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