Pitt Porn on Oscar weekend

March 3, 2014 22:59:40 Posted at March 3, 2014 22:59:40
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
WENN, FameFlynet, Jason Merritt/ Frazer Harrison/ Michael Buckner/ Kevork Djansezian/ Jason Merritt/ Jamie McCarthy/ ROBYN BECK/ Getty

It’s been a drought for over a year. So this weekend they made up for it. I don’t want to follow the chronological timeline for the Spirit Awards and then the Oscars. Let’s start with what happened on Sunday when they arrived on the carpet. As always, he insisted on getting out and opening the car door for her, declining the offer from the Academy staff who were waiting to greet celebrities. That’s one of their signature moves. The next is the immediate hand grab as they made their way over to the fan section, waving to them with big smiles, giving them a few photos, before heading down the carpet.

The Oscar red carpet is kinda shaped like an “L”. The long side is what most of you see. They come out of the tent to pose at the first photo wall, then make their way down the press line, and if they want to, stop at the corner for another small photo wall, and turn on the short side where there’s a final photo wall that’s right underneath the etalk balcony before heading down the mall corridor up the theatre stairs.

Last night there was a log jam at the final photo wall. Brange looked like they were going to bypass but their handler was trying to talk them out of it. While they were negotiating what to do, Angelina saw Ewan McGregor and his wife, Eve, waiting on line to have their pictures taken. There was a warm greeting and hugs. You’ll recall – the Jolie was very supportive of The Impossible last year. After the McGregors moved forward for photos, Brad spotted Christian Bale and his wife Sibi, also waiting in line at the photo wall. They hugged too. And Angelina hugged Sibi. And then she and Sibi said something to each other and she hugged Sibi again and her face was all happy and now I want to know if they hang. Like who are the famous people Brange hang out with that we don’t know about? Also was the Jolie congratulating them on some good news?

After that, oh how convenient, Brange found themselves at the head of the photo line – the one they originally were debating on skipping. And there followed a few more minutes of hand on ass posing and smiling secretly at each other and he would do his thing, you know, when he leaves her to be shot alone while he stands off to the side watching it go down, all proud and dick swingy and at exactly the same time he reaches his hand out to her and she glides into it and rinse and repeat 6 feet down and the whole time everyone is screaming and photographers are slipping off bleachers and it never fazes them, not at all. I never get tired of watching their game.

Inside? You know what happened inside.

And after 12 Year A Slave won Best Picture, this:

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And from there it was the Governors Ball, where Maddox joined them, at which pointed I wondered to myself – were they keeping him in a private room at the hotel (adjoined to the Dolby Theatre) all along?

No sign of Brange at Vanity Fair. I guess they had to get Maddox home. And celebrate privately. We talked about this though, Duana and I this morning. Or last night. It’s all blurred together, we can’t remember. Clooney skipped Vanity Fair last year too. It’s almost like for the ones who are at their level, waaaaaay above the rest, Vanity Fair is optional while everyone else almost has to make an appearance.

OK but what about next year? The Jolie is already working her way back to the Dolby for Unbroken. IF she actually gets her name called in 2015, does she decide to victory lap her way through Graydon Carter’s party?

And finally, the Spirit Awards on Saturday. They bypassed the carpet but seemed very close inside. Everyone’s been talking this ass grab video though:

I want to talk about his face. His face was a lot rounder on Saturday than it was on Sunday, right? What did he do to de-bloat that? In a day?!?!? 

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