Intro for November 13, 2013

November 13, 2013 14:43:00 Posted at November 13, 2013 14:43:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Dear Gossips,

Duana asked me last night how my ma, the Chinese Squawking Chicken, reacted to the announcement of my upcoming book about her, Listen To The Squawking Chicken. Well, she came over yesterday when I was at work to drop off some ginseng soup. Normally she doesn’t come inside because she blames my dogs for getting their fur all over her clean clothes. But she had to pee and used the upstairs bathroom, my bathroom. I left in a rush in the morning and it was a hair wash day so there was long black hair all over the tub. The only thing she said to Jacek during the entire visit was, “If you’re not going to clean your house every day you should hire a cleaning service”. And then she hobbled her way out the door. I wrote a book, but the Squawking Chicken still thinks I’m a filthy pig.

THANK YOU so much for your emails and tweets in response to Listen To The Squawking Chicken. Click here for the press release from Penguin Random House. Recently I read an article about my US editor and publisher Amy Einhorn. She said that the common theme in the books she publishes are that they are all stories about “outsiders”. I never considered that my ma, the Chinese Squawking Chicken, might be an outsider. When I told her over dimsum that she could be an outsider she told me that “it’s cold outside and the Gods will strike you for wishing homelessness on your own mother.” I had to slip her $100 after that so she could ask for blessings for me at the temple.

Speaking of blessings, I’ve decided to approach the release of my book like a pregnancy. On The Social yesterday I passed out rubber chickens like they were baby soothers and made everyone care about my due dates: April 1 in Canada and April 17 in the US. Instead of a gender reveal party, we’re going to have a book cover reveal party where I will be cupping my book on my belly for photographs. Jacek might even come up from behind me so we can belly-cup the book together. And yes, I have already registered for my book shower: pre-sales!

In Canada, you can pre-order my book here. In the United States, it’s available for pre-sale at Amazon and Barnes & Noble. Like I said, the pre-sales are helping the publishers plan the book tour. During the book tour, my book will not cry and demand to be fed. We can gossip uninterrupted. We can definitely talk about the star who took sex shots with her co-star lover on her phone, and when her boyfriend saw them, she lied and claimed they were rehearsing a love scene. But what if there’s no love scene in the script?

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

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