Slum Bear & Jason Statham

January 23, 2013 17:19:12 Posted at January 23, 2013 17:19:12
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
Fame, Jennifer Mitchell/ Splash

JLO’s been all over New York promoting Parker this week, in varying outfits, clearly loving the attention. That’s who she is, right? Even when she’s selling sh-t she doesn’t mind. Because she’s out there, and people want to talk to her, and she gets to talk about herself, and in this case in particular, Parker really is a Jason Statham vehicle anyway. Bonus to her if it does well, but I’m not sure she’ll have to eat it if it doesn’t it.

But ...where’s Slum Bear Casper? I don’t see him tagging along in any of these shots. That’s not to say he’s not around, but when he is around he’s usually not that concealed, at least he hasn’t been in a long, long time. What does it mean then that he is concealed, besides the fact that we all benefit from not having to look at his smarmy gross bear face?

Unfortunately I don’t think it means what we want it to mean which is that she finally became embarrassed for herself and cut that sh-t loose. Instead, I’d like to imagine that Jason Statham can’t stand the sight of it and doesn’t want it around. Doubtful but not totally impossible. JLO is surrounded by yes people. Even Benny Medina wouldn’t tell her she’s stupid in love. No one is telling her she’s stupid in love. Jason Statham might though, non? Not because he actually cares for her but because he can’t help but point out that she’s f-cking a loser. There is no humiliation quite like your own humiliation as seen through the eyes of another. Will it work? Good God of course not. JLO gets more turned on the more she has to defend it. Slum Bear will be with her at the premiere, and right in Statham’s face.

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