Beyonce’s Tree Of Life

February 18, 2013 17:01:45 Posted at February 18, 2013 17:01:45
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
Wenn, Scott Halleran/ Ronald Martinez/ Getty

You see what I meant when I wrote last week -- click here for a refresher -- about the amateur obviousness of Beyonce’s film direction?

The Tree Of Life. When the Blue Ivy Carter was born.

How were you not pounding your couch?

And pausing on her dewy “natural” makeup?

And pausing again at her crazy ass back arch?

LOOK at her crazy ass back arch!?

It was the best sh-tty documentary I’ve ever seen.

Her interview with Oprah just before on the other hand...

Watching Beyonce suck her own dick is one thing -- because of all the delightful entertainment porn that comes along with it. Watching Oprah suck Beyonce’s dick is entirely another. Oprah, at this point, has become Giuliana Rancic, only richer. Or worse. Because while Giuliana throws around the “sweetie” during interviews, here’s what Oprah dropped on Beyonce during hers:

“When you performed at the Super Bowl, it was like when Art meets God.”

Something like that.

And then she went on to tell Beyonce that after she saw Life Is But A Dream, she and her girls (from her school in Africa) realised that Beyonce is “Just Like Us”.

I’m sorry...what?

At what point in that documentary did you say to yourself that Beyonce was “just like us”???????

The whole point of enjoying Beyonce is that she is never and will never be “just like us”!

There is no moment in that film that remotely even suggests that she could be “just like us”. We don’t ride in helicopters! Our lives are not documented for posterity! We don’t mic drop at the VMAs to announce our pregnancies!

And here’s how, definitively, Beyonce will never be “just like us”. Because with her, as she told Oprah, “it always works out”. The stark truth about our realities is that “it always works out” is luxury we’ll never know.

Beyonce can self-promote all she wants. That’s her game, her business. For Oprah to be holding up Beyonce as an example to these determined young women is almost irresponsible.

The reason why Beyonce is a terrible self-documentarian is because she lacks objectivity. Objectivity is the first and most basic requisite for a documentary. Beyonce has already acknowledged that she made this movie to “heal” herself. It’s anathema to the spirit of objectivity when the primary motivation is self-serving.

The reason why Oprah is a terrible interviewer is because she lacks objectivity. Objectivity is the first and most basic requisite for the journalist. Objectivity yields discovery. There is no chance of discovery when the purpose of the entire exercise is to take up permanent residence in someone’s ass.

Also attached -- Beyonce and Jay-Z at the NBA All Star Game yesterday in Houston where one after another, celebrities and athletes alike were stopping by to pay their respects.

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