I was about to call it a day because my screener for Behind The Candelabra just arrived and the entire schedule has now been rearranged to accommodate. Nothing takes precedence over marble bathtubs and plastic surgery. EXCEPT, well, Gwyneth Paltrow just showed up at a party in London. And you know I like to get my G off quickly. Full Story

I don’t have to tell you how rare these are. And they were exclusive and expensive. Which is why I’m working them off on a long weekend in Canada. Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin were photographed together in London the other day. Smiling. And not running away. Well, not initially. Full Story

A new issue of GOOP. And it’s not wellness or mother-ness and food-ness. Instead, this newsletter is dedicated to GOOP Punk...at the MET Gala! For all her sh-tting on the event and moaning about what a terrible time she had, she still couldn’t resist sharing with us what the styling experience was like. Full Story

Gwyneth Paltrow and Chloe Sevigny -- don’t these two seem like the most natural enemies since cats and dogs? Since Kelly and Brenda? Since Mariah and all other performers? They’re both so pretentious but in slightly different ways, I can’t believe these two haven’t clashed before, but now it’s happening and it’s perfect. Full Story

It’s expensive. It’s awkward. It’s web-based. We must be talking GOOP here, right? Right. Over on Groupon this week, for the low low LOW (ie. high high HIGH) price of $2000 you can join the official “all-inclusive” GOOP NY Getaway. Full Story

Pretty much like the rest of us: breakfast with her kids. My mom is an amazing cook and food is a huge part of our family life, so I understand Gwyneth’s cooking philosophy. I don’t blanche at her dietary restrictions because I think many of us grew up not eating processed foods, minus the upper class privilege. Full Story

Click here if you missed my Girl Sh-t post on Gwyneth Paltrow yesterday about how she slagged the MET Gala and patronised Miranda Kerr. The photos in that article were taken of my G out to dinner on Wednesday night and it turns out she was meeting up with two radio hosts from Australia who’d won a contest, or something, it doesn’t matter. Full Story

Like handbags, Girl Sh-t comes in high end and low end. Low end would be, say, the housewives of whatever city. Slightly above that are the WAGs of whatever sport. For the luxury Girl Sh-t, you look to Anna Wintour. And, of course, my G. Have you seen this yet? Sasha sent it to me this morning. Full Story

After not punking in pink at the MET Gala, Gwyneth Paltrow made an appearance at the Apple Store in Soho yesterday with her friend Jessica Seinfeld, wife of Jerry, and one of the best bitch-facers in the business. Look at her, in the shot I’m including below, straight on, with her head sort of tilted. Full Story

I am devastated. This is two years in a row now that Gwyneth Paltrow has under-delivered at the MET Gala. Last year she gave us a preview of Anne Hathaway’s eventual Oscar dress that was supposed to be Valentino but ended up being Prada because of Amanda Seyfried, except in silver. Click here Full Story

(Over the last 8 weeks or so, it seems like almost every publication/blog has featured an article about hating Gwyneth Paltrow and why she’s insufferable. The Daily Beast just added itself to that list. And there’s an article about Gwyneth Hate in the new issue of Maclean’s Full Story

But first, Gwyneth Paltrow covers the new issue of UK Glamour, apparently “Britain’s No 1 Women’s Magazine”? The pictures are very clean, high end, kinda like how you’d imagine her home(s). If they asked for an artist’s rendering of “Classic Socialite”, this is what they’d come up with. Full Story

Why can’t this be the subject of a GOOP newsletter instead of recipes and meditation? Fellatio is Wellness, non? Last week Gwyneth Paltrow told us that her bush is styled for the 70s. Then we learned that when she and her girls, like Cameron Diaz, get together for sleepover parties, maybe they run around naked trimming their pubes Full Story

Gwyneth Paltrow is back in London. I’m told she was at dinner at Zuma last night with Chris Martin and their kids, Apple and Moses, and Jay-Z. Jay’s in England because Beyonce kicks off 6 shows at the O2 tonight. There’s a very good chance then that G and family will make it to at least one of them this week. Full Story