Best Globes Wife: Jennifer Garner

January 14, 2013 23:01:15 Posted at January 14, 2013 23:01:15
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
Christopher Polk/ Alberto Rodriguez/ NBC/ ROBYN BECK/ Getty

You know why.

Because she cleaned up his mess. This is what she does. He forgets to thank George Clooney and Grant Heslov and he tells her to get up there and fix it for him. She’s been fixing it for him for almost 10 years now. Ben Affleck, the award winning director, was fixed by Jennifer Garner. It was an investment for her, the way it is for so many strategic political wives. Last night that all paid off. While JLO tried to explain to the other guests that her boyfriend wasn’t there to refill their water, her successor beamed with pride, and was rewarded with a public declaration of love. Was that the moment that the Bears stormed out? Some say Lo and Slum seemed to be in a hurry to leave. Come alone, with a hot body, and there’s always someone to flirt with, you never have to be in a hurry to leave. You come with a downgrade and you will always, always want to get the f-ck out of there before the lights come up.

So what does all this mean, all this Argo winning? Some Oscar experts say nothing, because the Golden Globes generally don’t affect how the Academy goes; no one takes the HFPA seriously. I would agree any other year, but this year, this year when the race is so tight, with so many momentum shifts, with so many equally powerful players campaigning against each other (Spielberg vs Clooney vs Weinstein), Academy members are indeed watching. Last week I called it Argo Remorse. Ben can’t win for Best Director, but his movie is right in there for Best Picture. Suddenly Lincoln is looking a little vulnerable. And...Photo Assumption on Spielberg’s face during Ben’s acceptance speech -- that doesn’t seem confident, does it?

One more thing, and I don’t mean to sh-t-stir but... I just don’t understand why you’re down with dancing with another woman on a red carpet and you won’t even pose side by side with your wife.

PS. Not really feeling what this Vivienne Westwood red sparkly dress is doing to Garner’s breasts.

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