Is it like finger pulling? Don’t be a prude. You know finger pulling. Here, pull my finger. You’ve never pulled on someone’s finger? Or watched someone get their finger pulled? Look, I don’t like to be farted around. But I do enjoy a fart joke. I’m sure that ginger scamp Hot Harry on a Horse enjoys fart jokes too Full Story

Baby Wales has a nickname! According to US Weekly, the Cambridges are calling the royal heir “Our Little Grape”. OLG? I prefer Baby Wales. As for whether or not the grape is a girl, US sources say William and Catherine have only told Prince Charles and her parents, not even Pippa. Full Story

Everyone's all lathered up today because apparently, when Catherine Cambridge was in Grimsby yesterday, she may have revealed that the future monarch is female. US Weekly reports that: During the engagement, the expectant Duchess of Cambridge, 31, was given a white teddy bear by a local, Diane Burton. Full Story

After attending a wedding with William and Harry this weekend in Switzerland, Catherine Cambridge is back in England, on official business today in Grimsby where she visited the National Fishing Heritage Centre. As expected, Kate recycled -- this Hobbs coat was previously worn last year, on Valentine’s Day, in Liverpool. Full Story

Oh rich people and their rich Swiss weddings... Prince Hot Harry tagged along with Prince William and his Catherine to attend the wedding of one of their friends in Switzerland this weekend. No Cressida? Maybe Harry didn’t get a plus one. Or maybe he didn’t insist. Hanging out with the excommunicated Aunt Fergie is one thing. Full Story

You've seen it already, presumably, after that Italian magazine published photos of the Cambridges on holiday in Mustique a few weeks ago. I was less interested in the bump than I was in how frizzy her hair looked in the tropics. Like really, really frizzy and thick -- its natural state with some hormonal boost. Full Story

They unveiled Princess Catherine’s first official portrait today. As you can see, it’s sh-t. At least to me it’s sh-t. She’s 31. The artist made her look 45, with tired eyes a weird half smile that’s not even her signature expression. And is she greying at the part? This is terrible. Full Story

If you’re into the royal porn, you’ll be all over the new issue of British Vogue, out Thursday, featuring KATEPEDIA, an analysis of Katy Cambridge’s style...as they repeatedly and almost exclusively call her “Kate” through the article which, I mean it must make her crazy, non? “Catherine” just won’t. Full Story

By helicopter. But first... How was 2012, Your Majesty? Mostly good, if not great, right? With the exception of that ginger grandson taking off his clothes in Vegas, this was a very strong year for the Queen, and a wonderful follow-up to 2011 when Prince William married his Catherine as a prelude to her Diamond Jubilee. Full Story

Her first official appearance since announcing the pregnancy and the illness at the same time. Princess Catherine attended the BBC Sports Personality of the Year Awards last night in London and presented two awards, staying around 45 minutes. But still, a very good sign as she’d cancelled four previous engagements including The Hobbit premiere last week where Prince William showed up alone. Full Story

Cautious optimism... Princess Catherine was released from hospital today. She looks pretty good in the photos but in the video, which is looping on every news station today, she seems kinda fragile. Or maybe I’m projecting. Because now the narrative is all like -- she’s so brave! And, I dunno, I know I should snark but I can’t find it right now, seeing her smiling and stoically representing her family the Windsor way, even though she probably just wants to lie down on the bathroom floor and feel the cool of the tile against her face. Full Story

Katy Cambridge is responding to treatment and improving! This in a statement confirmed by the Palace AND, well, on her husband’s face, seen here as he left the hospital today, visibly relieved, right? The Cambridges’ spokesperson released a statement to assure the public this afternoon: "The Duchess of Cambridge is continuing to feel better. Full Story

Keep sending your emails about how much detail you want/need. So far some of you are super superstitious, like me, and are urging caution in coverage. The other half of you are like - TELL ME EVERYTHING AND PUT A CAMERA UP IN THERE IF YOU CAN. The world press, as you can imagine, is trying. And is it true that some American networks have sent reporters out there to camp outside the hospital? I will totally volunteer to camp outside the hospital next year, when the heir is crowning. Full Story

Is it weird that in the Palace’s statement confirming Princess Catherine’s pregnancy today, they named the hospital where she’s staying? As you can imagine, the paps are camping out there and likely won’t move until she’s discharged. Kate was apparently at her parent’s this weekend when her condition worsened. Full Story