Mother of the Year Dina Lohan needed some leftovers last week. So she took her daughters Lindsay and Ali to Villa expecting to cougar-up on some of Lilo’s discards. Problem? Ali is 15. She looks 40 but her birth certificate says 15. So they were turned away at the door. Am shocked. Am shocked the guy working security didn’t wave them right through. Full Story

They were actually born just 2 months apart. Can you tell? I can’t tell. One totally looks 15, which is her age. The other close to 40. Right? Check it out – Dakota Fanning last night at the Hollywood premiere of Push, refreshingly fresh-faced and age appropriately pretty and then old hag Ali Lohan in Times Square for some kind of photo shoot looking more and more every day like a carbon copy of her wreck of a sister. Full Story

The Lohan hags were in New York this weekend shopping for the paps. Ali Lohan desperately needs a job, obviously. Lilo’s efforts at promoting her sister however were wasted because the only thing anyone can focus on coming out of these photos is her alarming thinnification. Her arms and now her legs. Full Story

Lindsay Lohan and her older sister Ali went shopping yesterday. As you can see, she’s loving her weight loss. Loving it. And she’s pretending she’d actually eat that pizza. Right. Those “on set” photos released yesterday – likely not from a film but from some low classy budget clothing line even worse than Candie’s. Full Story

A very, very, VERY thin Lindsay Lohan was spotted with her 40 year old sister Ali yesterday. Quite an achievement - to win a skinny-off against a 14 year old. Her legs in those jeans! Word is Lilo is in total denial about her relationship with Samantha Ronson. Apparently Samantha did break up with her but she’s refusing to accept it. Full Story

I.Love.Him. I loved him before. But then, when he guest hosted with Kelly Ripa and bitch slapped the Lohans… oh la, Anderson Cooper made the list for life. “Apparently these people, these horrific people, the Lohans, they’re quite well known… ?”Amazing. “And there’s this perfectly nice, allegedly 14 year old girl, looks to be more like 60 – no I say that with concern and love – and she allegedly wants to be a singer and or actor slash performer of some sort of striptease person, I don’t know…” SO amazing. Full Story

Here’s 30 year old Ali Lohan trying to look like a teenager again at the Animals Fair Magazine Halloween Party last night. I think her costume was a cat. A skanky cat. A cat with a see through top showing off her abs and tacky ass acrylic nails. Ali also appears to be borrowing her sister’s dirty face. Full Story

It’s a good start to the week! Because any time anyone makes Dina Lohan look like a f&cking idiot, even more so than usual, there’s cause for celebration. So last week, an item appeared in Page Six Full Story

Never heard of this magazine…have you? My guess is no, especially judging the budget cover. Actually…the budget everything. Over-photoshoppe is one thing but assy lighting is another. Assy lighting, assy makeup, and assy styling too. The plastic around her neck is so cheap it’s almost offensive. Full Story

Us Weekly put up 2 shots of Ali Lohan on its site yesterday suggesting some implant action. Surrounded by paps in the afternoon, Lindsay Lohan was asked whether or not her old hag of a younger sister had her tits done. Full Story

I LOVE HIM! He’s on the Freebie Five!!! Of course you know what he said while filling in for Regis yesterday. And you probably know how that hag Dina Lohan told OK! Magazine that it was “cruel” and that Anderson Cooper will get slapped with some “karma”. Well… The Silver Fox is NOT only NOT apologising…he’s actually STILL mounting an offensive! Last night on AC 360, Anderson was asked about the drama. Full Story

Anderson Cooper and Tom Ford. Together. Can you imagine? Sigh. Gay men are so evolved. Especially the ones who are ready and willing to cut a bitch down. Of course you’d expect this from Tom…but from the Silver Fox too? Please. He’s the son of Gloria Vanderbilt. And he was temping for Regis on Regis & Kelly this morning. Full Story

Ali and Dina Lohan managed to scam their way into the Sisterhood 2 premiere the other night. Their show is sucking ass…they needed the publicity. Who the f&ck are those morons are wanting Ali’s autograph??? I want you to look at that child’s French manicure. Those long ass clip-on claws. Full Story

Dylan said to me the other day that it’s scary being a single straight dude these days: “I keep givin’ the business to, like, 16 year olds.” He means with his eyes. He keeps eyef7cking the underage ones, thinking they’re legal, only to find out he was 5 minutes away from committing a crime. Full Story