Oscars Most Overall Lame: Anne Hathaway

February 25, 2013 22:38:15 Posted at February 25, 2013 22:38:15
Duana Posted by Duana
Photos:
Michael Buckner/ JOE KLAMAR/ Kevork Djansezian/ Frazer Harrison/ Kevin Winter/ Vince Bucci/ Getty

I share with Lainey the trait of being an Anne Hathaway apologist. So each individual thing about her last night was, you know, not the best, but not horrible.   Not terrible, at least at first.

The dress. She will regret this sooner than later, but for a long time. Because this is not the dress to win your first Oscar in, I don’t think. I wonder what on earth changed her mind about the Valentino she was supposed to wear, and whether she looked at it this morning with a bit of wistfulness.     

Instead, she has a bib halter reminiscent of Mary-Kate & Ashley’s 12th birthdays,  with way too much pointlessness at the back, between the slit and the low back and the ribbons and the cross-straps. On top of which, she had that necklace on which was so clearly overkill – someone smart online posited that she probably promised to wear it instead of going bare like that neckline demanded; it just all was a bit of a sad sartorial mishmash, and it’s because of the last minute decision. The boobs didn’t have to look that way.

Here, though, the comparisons to Gwyneth Paltrow begin, and how even though she had an ill-fitting dress, she still had a glorious night and win. Except – look what happens when you compare them.  As much as it pains me to admit it, Gwyn’s fits better, relatively speaking.

Still.

A dress ain’t anything, in the grand scheme of things. 

So she wins, as we all knew she would, and gets up, and says:

“It came true.”  

I forgive you all the impolite horking and vomiting noises you made. I do. You know why? Because that was not the heartfelt win talking – it wasn’t even the childhood dream talking.  It was a response to the name of the song she sang in the film.

Are you choking it back yet? Hold on, now. After finishing off a Les Miserables pun, I actually thought we were out of the woods. Cutesy, maybe, “Hugh, you’re amazing”,  but not a real problem – until the last line, where she tried to make it about social consciousness somehow.  What was that? 

“…so that the misfortunes of Fantine are found only in stories and never in life.” Well, isn’t that nice!  I think nobody will have to be a prostitute anymore now that Anne took such a stand.

Here’s the problem, as far as I can see. All Anne’s gratefulness and sweetness and the “wisdom” she dropped on the unsuspecting press re: negativity – it feels totally poseresque. And what do we know about posers? They’re insecure. Trying to be something they’re not. In Anne’s case, there’s a real bent towards trying to act like a real “actress”.

But here’s the thing – she already IS!  She is what she’s trying to pretend to be!

People call Anne Hathaway all KINDS of things but nobody ever calls her a bad actress! She’s extremely talented and that’s never been in debate. She earned the Oscar, fair and square, in a performance that everyone agreed with. Nobody, not one person, said that it was given to her out of pity.

So she goes around aw-shucksing, but I don’t think it’s to mask her big ego (as may be the case in other situations,  Ms. Swift). Instead she’s so insecure – even now --  that she’s doing a Rachel Berry about the whole thing, instead of being the strong sexy confident woman she should be now that she’s had such a career win.

Eventually she’ll come back from it, she’ll move past it. But the only thing in her way right now is her own assumption that we think she doesn’t deserve it.

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