Chills Chills Chills Articles

The GMD on high alert

January 6, 2011 07:01:10 Posted at January 6, 2011 07:01:10
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Get the popcorn ready. There’s a war coming. And it looks like we all get to watch. And they’re doing it Hollywood revenge styles. So, like, totally our favourite kind of catfight. Only this might bring a few more chills. Remember how Paul Haggis, Oscar-winning director, used to be a Scientologist – for over 30 years! – and he realised how f-cked they are so he broke up with Xenu in 2009 and threatened to go public with what he knows? Well… It sounds like he’s going public. Full Story

You’re allowed to drive for Christmas

December 24, 2010 08:27:56 Posted at December 24, 2010 08:27:56
Lainey Posted by Lainey

With a chaperone. At least that looks like a chaperone. With Katie Holmes. Yesterday leaving the gym. The photo agencies are calling her companion a “friend”, but you know, where Xenu is concerned, only “approved” friends are allowed. So this friend must be Church-friendly, and can you really call that a real friend? Well, small victories, I suppose. Full Story

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They chose, or Xenu chose?

December 22, 2010 07:37:08 Posted at December 22, 2010 07:37:08
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Curious timing... Yesterday I wrote about Granny Freeze Nicole Kidman, wondering, even though it’s none of my goddamn business, as to the whereabouts of her first two children Isabella and Connor. Click here for a refresher. Judging from my inbox, it was easily yesterday’s most popular post. Full Story

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Emmy Breakup Thinnification

August 30, 2010 10:24:00 Posted at August 30, 2010 10:24:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Kelly Osbourne ditched her boyfriend Luke Worrell about six weeks after she supposedly caught him cheating. She arrived at the Emmys with a very small waist in a very tight dress – looked lovely, sure, but that’s a lot of littleness that seems to have happened over a short period of time. Full Story

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Little Sci is to blame

August 16, 2010 07:11:11 Posted at August 16, 2010 07:11:11
Lainey Posted by Lainey

How many times have we looked at a Katie Holmes outfit and asked what is that f-ckedupNESS that you are wearing? Thank you Lafayette. We have Little Sci Suri Cruise to blame. At least that’s what Katie says. It’s a new interview with New York Magazine under the pretence of “fall fashion” but really, they probably just wanted to get up close and observe her freaky zombie life for themselves. Full Story

A Big NOT Sci party

July 13, 2010 08:31:51 Posted at July 13, 2010 08:31:51
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Here’s what’s weird: Every night I scan the photo agencies so I can get a sense of what I might write about the next day. These photos were up right before I went to bed – Will Smith with Jada and the GMD and several other celebrities and the photo agency was calling it a “Scientology party”. Full Story

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The GMD: his bff is laughing too

May 10, 2010 07:07:31 Posted at May 10, 2010 07:07:31
Lainey Posted by Lainey

He’s been a pop culture punch line for years now thanks to his fontrum-y love for Katie Holmes and Oprah’s couch and Matt Lauer’s glibness and, well, somewhere along the way, Tom Cruise just became painfully uncool. So we laugh at him. But did you expect Xenu to be laughing at him too? His very, very best friend? The best man at his wedding? His fellow little macho man David Miscavige? According to Mark Rathbun, an ex Church member who’s been spilling its secrets, the GMD was required to record his deepest darkest secrets per Scientology policy – I guess it’s how they heal each other. Full Story

Indistinguishable

March 19, 2010 14:21:00 Posted at March 19, 2010 14:21:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

I’m telling you, Tom Cruise Jr really IS Tom Cruise Jr. In so many ways. This is Taylor Lautner leaving LAX today. Side by side, see for yourself. Right? And the security detail too. It’s the same! Tom Cruise and Tom Cruise Jr. They same body type, the same aviators, Jr’s even working the jaw clench now, and of course the same plastic machine Hollywood attitude. Full Story

Xenu fertility

March 1, 2010 10:13:58 Posted at March 1, 2010 10:13:58
Lainey Posted by Lainey

For the rest of the world, most of the time, babies are conceived when two people get together and have sex. On occasion, when that isn’t successful, science is involved. These procedures however do not include purging aliens from our reproductive tracts. Unless of course you’re a member of the Church of Xenu. Full Story

JLo, Will …& Xenu

October 28, 2009 07:18:36 Posted at October 28, 2009 07:18:36
Lainey Posted by Lainey

THIS IS IT premiered last night in LA – Jennifer Lopez and Will Smith were the top two names on the carpet, both with ties to the GMD and, yes, both with ties to the Xenu. It’s been a terrible week for the Xenu. Paul Haggis left him Full Story

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Robo Disconnected

October 26, 2009 14:53:24 Posted at October 26, 2009 14:53:24
Lainey Posted by Lainey

That word explains everything. Per the Paul Haggis revelations mentioned in today’s open, “disconnect” is a Scientology policy that refers to the action taken against those who do not share the Xenu love. Haggis’s wife was ordered to “disconnect” from her family when they broke from the Church. Full Story

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Don’t be a stuck squirrel!

October 21, 2009 08:20:23 Posted at October 21, 2009 08:20:23
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Please. This is the party I would have really wanted to be at. Us Weekly is reporting that on October 16th, the GMD and Katie Holmes were in London attending a Scientology event with thousands of other Xenu lovers to celebrate the 25th anniversary of the International Association of Scientologists. Full Story