Gwyneth & Martin Lawrence

August 18, 2014 14:18:27 Posted at August 18, 2014 14:18:27
Lainey Posted by Lainey

How did Gwyneth Paltrow cope this first weekend of Martin Lawrence? G’s letting her friends do her talking. Jessica Seinfeld posted a photo on Instagram  yesterday with the caption:

“I have never met anyone with more true and loyal best friends than this baby girl 👶👸. She is deeply and intensely loved by her friends. I hope each of you has someone in your life that is a wise and steady North Star like this one is to so many...✨🌟💫🌟✨🌟💫 Why not tag those people in your life who kill it in the friendship department? It's Show Appreciation Sunday. (I made that up).”

God. That’s embarrassing. That’s basically confirming to the world that you’re having a hard time with it and the girls had to come over with wine, donuts, a manicure set, a DVD of The Notebook. Not the move I would have recommended. Then again, maybe there are no moves in this situation.

You know how it goes, right? Your friend’s ex has hooked up with someone else. And there’s always, always something to say. No, it’s not mature or particularly gracious, but this is the sh-t we do for each other.

OMG, he’s with HER? Whatever. She does X for a living. She looks like X. She acts like X. She’s not smart or funny, she’s a total loser. She’s short.

When it comes to Gwyneth, in comparison with Gwyneth, there’s always something to say. Except…

Well…

You can’t say sh-t about Jennifer Lawrence. She’s not short. She has a great job. She wins at her job. She’s funny and beloved. She’s young and ambitious. She has a lot of friends. She has haute couture. There’s NO consolation here. The only consolation would be Ryan Gosling. And he’s having a baby with Eva Mendes. So, no, not even Jessica Seinfeld’s legendary bitchface can save her from this one. G has to eat this one, bent all the way over.

As for your messages this weekend about whether or not Jennifer Lawrence cheated on Nicholas Hoult to be with Chris Martin because Hoult was still posting photos of them together well into July, after she and Martin reportedly hooked up…

If you’re basing this on the timeline on this Instagram account, sure, but I’m not entirely convinced that’s his actual legit Instagram account. And if it is his Instagram account, and that’s how many photos of himself he posts on it, like a Justin Bieber’s amount, I’m taking him off my Five List – he’s FANGIRLING HIMSELF.

 
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