Intro for March 18, 2013

March 18, 2013 13:15:43 Posted at March 18, 2013 13:15:43
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Dear Gossips,

I walked by Lindsay Lohan’s amazingly entertaining lawyer, Mark Heller, in the lobby of the hotel on Saturday. He was on his phone, pacing, speaking loud enough so that you could hear the entire conversation if you cared enough to stop. Loud cell phone talkers are the worst, non? My ma is a loud cell phone talker, not unlike many people who come from Hong Kong. They only have one volume. Me, when I’m in public, like on a plane or something, I’m a low cell phone talker. If I’m low cell phone talking to my ma, she’s all like, what, I can’t hear you, are you sick, why you talk so low? And you can hear her more than you can hear me. She’s embarrassing on a cell phone even when she’s on the other end. Anyway, my point is, this is who’s representing Lindsay Lohan today...AT HER TRIAL. Did you think maybe in real life he wouldn’t be exactly like how he appears on TMZ? With his fancy briefcase and the rabbit’s foot dangling off it?

As of this writing, oh for f-ck’s sake, it’s not known whether or not Lohan will make it to court. Something about cancelling a flight on Saturday to see a band (which probably means she wanted to mess around with the lead singer) and maintenance issues with the flight on Sunday.

But it’s not her fault the plane was sketchy!

If that loser was actually taking her sh-t seriously, don’t you think it would have been more prudent to get in earlier, to prepare, to rest, to NOT risk missing the first day of her goddamn trial?

Oh wait!

UPDATE -- at 3 o’clock in the morning, Lohan tweeted that some rich dude, the owner of Mr Pink Beverages, is letting her borrow the private jet. Did she froth him up before, after, or during the flight?

It’s around 5 hours from New York to LA. Which means Lohan should touch down around 8am PT. And by the time she gets through traffic...

Maybe some other billionaire will come through with a helicopter and land it right on the courthouse steps. Is it Dina Lohan who has to keep track of all the favours Lindsay has to work off?

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

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