Shelfy Vogue

January 15, 2010 07:45:56 Posted at January 15, 2010 07:45:56
Lainey Posted by Lainey

As I first reported exclusively last November, Jessica Biel has landed Vogue.

Poor Victoria Beckham. Anna’s giving away Vogue covers to B list actors now and Posh STILL can’t get it done.

Jessica Biel has never carried a movie. She’s never been the lead. She’s not the first phone call for a romcom, a period drama, a courtroom thriller, an epic, a superhero franchise, or – please! – an Oscar bait project. But she is dating Justin Timberlake.

Which is how she ended up featured in Vogue.

The shoot isn’t bad. She looks great. There’s a 70s feel to the cover, they play up her butch appeal on the inside, but it’s the interview and article itself that brings the sh-ts and giggles.

The refreshingly real Jessica Biel?

You mean the one who’s known to call the paps and engineer photo ops?

You mean the one who complains that her beauty is a burden and the obstacle to her achieving Meryl Streep status?

The one who desperately put her Shelf Ass out for display, pitching herself as a skin girl for attention...

THAT Jessica Biel?

Yeah...about that time she went rogue on 7th Heaven and took her clothes off for Gear in a premeditated attempt to break free from a show she felt was holding her back, prompting criticism from her co-stars and her producers, Biel now says that:

"I really wanted to go to college, and it all kind of happened at the same time. I did this photo shoot; the photo shoot came out; it was terribly embarrassing. I had to apologize to everybody, including my parents. It was a big learning experience: learning how to have boundaries and how to say no."

Say no?

SHE engineered the photo shoot. SHE solicited the magazine. I love when people rewrite their history. And now Jessica Biel is selling herself as “down to earth girl”, a totally non-Hollywood type who doesn’t party and lives healthily. Which must be why even the writer noticed the thinnification. Jessica Biel is straight up bones these days, no curves left...

But of course we don’t ask about it.

What we do is we write a puff piece about a girl with no proper credentials because we want to be nice to her boyfriend.

Click here to read and see more photos from the entire Jessica Biel Vogue article. Video of the shoot is below.

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