Jock Smut Articles
Evgeni Plushenko has retired. And that sucks. Because the competition lacked a lot of hips yesterday. We all lose when there aren’t enough hips. But you know what I did love about the whole situation? It’s that his retirement basically dominated the event. He didn’t skate and the conversation was still about him. His retirement announcement afterwards only made it more so. Like, he couldn’t wait until the Games were over before confirming it so as to not take (even more of) the spotlight away from the field?
Of course not.
In blasting out his retirement yesterday, Plushy not only pulled a Mimi (ME ME ME ME), he also made everyone else feel like no matter what happens, even if they win, there will always be something missing – because they didn’t win over HIM. Read Full Intro
Shani Davis did not win yesterday although he still has a chance for another gold on Saturday. To me, it doesn’t matter, especially not when you consider what he’s done for diversity at the Winter Olympics through his career. Some are calling these games the most inclusive Winter Olympics ever. And that’s definitely a positive. But we’ve still a long way to go on representation. Athletics is not unlike education – it comes down to access and opportunity. As Davis himself said, when asked whether or not the next generation of American speedskaters would feature those from a variety of different backgrounds, he answered honestly:
“Unfortunately, I don’t think that will ever happen. The price of an oval is very [expensive]. It’s not a mainstream sport like football or basketball. Read Full Intro
A tie at the Olympics!
Switzerland’s Dominique Gisin and Slovenia’s Tina Maze crossed the finish at exactly the same time. Tina Maze is a great name, non?
So…let’s talk about Olympic Tinder. Jamie Anderson called it “next level”. Stop. I can’t. Human beings in peak condition, pushed to the best of their physical abilities, and with the drive to go faster, longer, harder… all of them confined in a village with a hook-up app and all kinds of restless energy.
I want to live there. We all want to live there.
Here’s what someone did to my desk last night and what I walked in on this morning:
Sasha and I are not speaking right now. It’s because of Mark McMorris, bronze medallist in snowboard slopestyle (even though he landed TWO triple corks!). She’s producing an etalk interview with him tomorrow and I’m not invited. Maybe it’s for the best. Jacek told me the other day I’ve actually entered creep territory now.
But he’s adorable. And he’s nice. And he’s just so chill. And he’s dating Coco Ho. A snowboarder and his pro surfer girlfriend? Please. Someone. Write me that New Adult novel. Write it for me soon.
Someone wrote to me yesterday trying to fight about how luge athletes are hotter than snowboarders. Incorrect. Where’s the steeze in luge? Luge is like Fabio. So, yeah, we are fighting.
The Olympics are everything right now. Read Full Intro
Do you think there’s a fix? After all, L’Equipe is not STAR Magazine. And L’Equipe is reporting that Russian and American officials are colluding to shut out the reigning Olympic Ice Dance champions, from Canada, Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir. Both countries are vehemently denying allegations. But there’s still a cloud. And for some reason, Canadian skaters have been drug tested more than anyone else. Well, sh-t. Would it be the Olympics if there wasn’t a judging drama?
Would it be the Olympics if there wasn’t a bitch face to look at?
Everyone’s talking about Ashley Wagner’s McKayla Maroney moment the other night when her scores came up. Wagner, of course, is the former US national champion who came in 4th this year and still made it onto the team after a panel decision that knocked off the 3rd place competitor. Read Full Intro
Bauer, MGoetz/ Splash
David Beckham’s been in Miami promoting the new MLS team there. He attended a press conference and was mobbed by fans and also went to see a luxury apartment building that Simon Fuller’s involved with down there. A crash pad? In Miami? David Beckham Miami crash pad? Oh la. Full Story
As reported last week – click here for a refresher – Iker Casillas and Sara Carbonero became parents to a baby boy called Martin. And now they’re presenting him to the world. Is it just me or are these shots a little like Prince George? Well, they’re crazy about the football-soccer in Spain so, you could say, their players are like royalty…even though they already have their own royal family. Full Story
Victoria Beckham guest edited the new issue of Paris VOGUE. I wonder if this would have happened if Carine Roitfeld was still in charge. I wonder if it was contingent upon involving her husband. Like, who do you think the idea came from? Was she the one who wanted David there, or were they the ones who insisted upon it? There are two covers. Full Story
Holy. Sh-t. This is NOT Lance Armstrong. This is Ben Foster PLAYING Lance Armstrong. Amazing, right? They just started shooting the biopic last week with Stephen Frears directing. I was going to see this movie anyway because, well, I followed Armstrong for a long time. I naively/stupidly/blindly believed him until I couldn’t anymore. Full Story
Peter Ash Lee c/o NUVO
I have been waiting and waiting for access to new pictures of Sara Carbonero and Iker Casillas for weeks. As you, I love them so much. And it was confirmed a few weeks ago that they’re expecting a baby. Here they are out for dinner in Madrid earlier this week. So it’s transition time for Iker, both personally and professionally. Full Story
Tom Brady was injured yesterday during Patriots practice. A subsequent MRI came back negative. It’s a sprain. He’ll be fine. They’ll rest him until week 1 and it’ll be fine. As Boston unclenches, a little. Losing Brady would be a monumental setback. Like, that’s the season, you know? Don’t come with your Tim Tebow either. Full Story
Tom Brady is on the cover of the new issue of Men’s Health in a grey t-shirt under a leather jacket and short tousled hair. Looks GREAT. Like really, really, REALLY hot. In addition to kicking off a new season, Brady will also be opening up a new business in September. According to the magazine, his TB12 Sports Therapy Centre will help athletes train smarter: “It’s so frustrating for me to see athletes not being able to do what they really love to do. Full Story
Alberto E. Rodriguez/ Frederick M. Brown/ Christopher Polk/ Getty
Ben Affleck directed Jon Hamm in The Town, released in 2010. Back then I didn’t know that… Hamm had it in him the way Affleck had it in him. Oh but he does. Can you imagine that wingman situation? Middle-aged women would moist themselves as hard as they do at a Twilight convention. Sure, I coulda used a different word there, but “moist” is so much more evocative, non? Hamm hosted the ESPY Awards last night. Full Story