Don’t be mad at me but I’ve run out of time now and can’t write up the Fassy Zoey article from last night. They were at the CAA SmartWater party. Together. And OMG, it’s hot and crazy at the same time. But more on that later. To make up for how much I suck, please find attached some great photos of Michael Fassbender signing autographs for fans at his hotel yesterday and at the Shame presser today. Full Story

Lindsay LOHAN was released from house arrest yesterday. Her 25th birthday is on Saturday. Great timing. There was a really funny story that LOHAN’s people fed to TMZ yesterday about her being afraid to go out because of the paps. At the time, they insisted that LOHAN would be staying home for a while. Full Story

It’s a guarantee – whenever Kristen Bell shows up somewhere looking like sh-t, I will hear from Laura. She’ll be in a great mood, it’ll set the tone for the rest of her day, for our day as, among the many things we share, Kristen Bell Hate is something we developed together, at the same time, at Sundance, when that little twat was such a f-cking bitch to the entire media line at a party, an even bigger bitch than P Diddy at the same party (which is saying something in itself and at this point Veronica Mars was over) that we vowed never to bother with her ass ever again. Full Story

Caleb Followill is engaged – Us Weekly reports exclusively. Her name is Lily Aldridge. A model, obviously. They’ve been together a while. And in exactly four weeks from tomorrow, Kings of Leon will release the highly anticipated Come Around Sundown, their follow-up to the massively successful Only By The Night. Full Story

Isn’t he? This is Jim Sturgess, #1 on my Freebie Five, in Montreal the other day on the set of Upside Down. Kirsten Dunst (who was in New York for the weekend) co-stars in the independent film that’s been described as part sci-fi, part romance: Look up towards the sky and rub your eyes because you won't believe what you see: cities, forests, and oceans with their own inverted gravity, only an arm's length away, yet completely unreachable. Full Story

Only caught a quick glimpse of Natalie Portman and her new man. She is SO small. And that skirt is shorter than you think. The outfit also looks better than it photographs. Portman was having a word with Carey Mulligan. It was all I could do not to have a Sapphic meltdown all over the grand piano. Mulligan stayed close to Maggie Gyllenhaal most of the time, with Peter Sarsgaard coming in and out of their little area. Full Story

Robert Pattinson was hanging out with Emile Hirsch in Cannes. We were there that night at the Du Cap when they arrived and, for Laura, I endured two hours of his bullsh-t before I made her leave. Because I could no longer stand Emile Hirsch’s groundbreaking Ph.D dissertation on filmmaking. Click here Full Story

He said he would climb Kilimanjaro for charity, then his girlfriend decided to tag along, but he got booked for a movie so he backed out, and since she doesn’t get booked for sh-t, she had to keep at it. Along with Emile Hirsch who was confirmed yesterday as the “surprise” celebrity. Full Story

Well that didn’t take long. Here they are, the first photos of Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake in Vancouver together this afternoon after lunch with her assistant. Why does she need an assistant? She’s always with the assistant. Anyway, am told they seemed “fine”, low key, and held hands as they left. Full Story

Emile Hirsch and his girlfriend on the carpet last night at a screening for Taking Woodstock in LA. Emile so smiley! Emile, who only offers the most insightful insights on film, who knows everything there is to know about film, who honours his friends always with sermons on film all the time, appears to be exceedingly obsequious around the press these days. Full Story

At the premiere of Transformers last night, it’s Emile Hirsch with his girlfriend. He doesn’t seem to leave home without her now. And her shady friends who sell out Robert Pattinson. So … Emile is, like, the best young thespian ever in his mind, remember? He only does arty movies, with with arty artists, and the script is the only thing that matters, remember? What does the Real Emile, the Emile whose insightful film reviews, the Emile who is so arrogant he thinks he’s the first to have thought of the Modern Hamlet, what does the Real Emile think of Transformers? It’s beneath him, non? Oh but Emile must hustle. Full Story

Emile Wank Hirsch doesn’t think you’re good enough. How dare you play Hamlet. Only E Wank can play Hamlet. After all, he “conceived” of the modern day version of Hamlet, haven’t you heard? Wanky says get the f-ck off his stage. This is Jude last night in London leaving Wyndham’s Theatre where he is performing, to Emile’s artistic dismay, as Hamlet to wonderful reviews – click here Full Story

Laura is still bitter about the fact that I made her leave the Du Cap that night in Cannes while Robert Pattinson was still there on the terrace. Click here Full Story

EXCLUSIVE Reference materials for this post: A Life & Style report – click here - claiming that at the amfAR gala the other night in Cannes, Robert Pattinson was all over some girl called Erika , kissing her, and leaving with her. Full Story