Beyonce can’t be ugly

February 6, 2013 15:29:08 Posted at February 6, 2013 15:29:08
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
Chris Graythen/ TIMOTHY A. CLARY/ Ezra Shaw/ Getty

My favourite, favourite, FAVOURITE story of the week...

So there’s Beyonce at the Super Bowl, destroying the stage with her thighs and wind machines. And the praise is universal. They raved. They marvelled. They called her the new King of Pop. And BuzzFeed offered this post at the altar of our Lord Beysus. Which was meant to praise, obviously, by highlighting her “fiercest” moments from the show. Click here to see. She was a thundering angel, right? She delivered with abandon, right? And the fact that her face was contorted in some of those images only added to the glory, right? She was lifting Olympus. Of course she had to give everything, of course she had to give completely...

It only ADDS to her Beyonce-ness. It doesn’t take away...

Until...

Well...

Until she complains about it.

Because this is what happened.

Beyonce’s publicist contacted BuzzFeed requesting that the ugly shots be removed, specifically the ones that show her attacking her performance at full power, exactly the kind of pictures that you ADMIRE her for, and would never make fun of her for...

The problem though is that those shots have been deemed “unflattering” and the edict from Mount Beyonce has been to have them removed...

BuzzFeed won’t take them down but...

Such is the power of the Beyonce that they say she’ll have the offending photos removed from the main database before long. Beyonce is like Anonymous. Maybe Beyonce really is Illuminati. Because last night, as we rushed to download these images, we felt like we were in a movie. We’d select a picture and suddenly it’d be gone from the lightbox. And we’d select another one, and that would be gone too. Suddenly it was like our house was bugged. We kept looking over our shoulders. The phone rang and we jumped. And finally we just rushed through all the selections and raced to click “download”, grabbing whatever we could before she wiped out everything.

Yes, Beyonce is vain.

Yes, she is rehearsed and controlling.

From her cleverly managed Tumblr to the unfurling of the great Mrs Carter plan -- Super Bowl, HBO doc, album, tour -- and even after the drama of the inauguration, Beyonce has always dictated the narrative. As a Celebrity Case Study, her brand strategy has been flawless...

Until now...

Until she showed us that she cares. And not only that she cares, but how SMALL she cares. She cares so small that a few “unflattering” photos -- and photos taken while she was throwing down one of the most memorable performances in an already illustrious career that demonstrated emphatically why they call her the Greatest Entertainer In The World -- bothered her so much she had her people try to bully a website to take them down.

Oh Beyonce...

Are you just like us?

She was never supposed to be just like us, you see?

She was supposed to be on her yachts. She was supposed to eat gold leafed chocolate and travel exclusively by helicopter. She was supposed to be so special, even the electrical circuits waited until she was offstage before they decided to short out.

But it turns out, Beyonce googles herself, looks up bad pictures, and gets upset.

Just.Like.Us.

MAJOR miscalculation.

Attached -- these are just a few of the photos that Beyonce is trying to have removed. If my site goes down later...

Source

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