You have GOT to be kidding me with Miley Cyrus

January 11, 2012 14:51:27 Posted at January 11, 2012 14:51:27
Sarah Posted by Sarah
Photos:
Flynet
Over the last year I’ve seen several gossips—Lainey included—state that Miley “Smoke pot? Not me, never!” Cyrus has earned some affection by drawing down her public persona and making some effort at being a more mature pop tartlet. I’ve disagreed all along, issuing a strong BITCH, PLEASE caution to those jumping on the Miley train. Whatever profile change has occurred with Miley—and she still gets photographed a lot, so I’m not sure how much she’s actually shrunk her exposure—hasn’t been out of some altruistic attempt to better herself as a human being. No, I read Miley’s situation as a child star stuck in that awkward in-between state when the kids aren’t quite as into you but the adults aren’t really buying it yet, either. Any persona changes are due to recalibrating a career, not exploring who Miley Cyrus really is, where her feelings feel.

This is a decidedly cynical stance. Harsh, even. Obviously, I’m not a fan. That’s the grain of salt you can take with the following statement:

Miley Cyrus is never going to be a Movie Star, let alone a movie star.

Have you seen the trailer for her upcoming movie LOL? “My name is Lola but everyone calls me ‘LOL’.” And worse: “Classy, brah.” And it gets worse still: “I can’t love him, but I do.”  Now I watch a lot of trailers. Every month, I watch every trailer for every single movie coming out for the monthly previews I write at Cinesnark. I see a lot of bad trailers, but this is easily one of the worst I’ve ever seen. Not only is the trailer itself poorly cut, it does nothing to hide the fact that this movie blows massive chunks. Sometimes I see a bad trailer and think, I can’t tell if this is just a bad trailer or if the movie itself is bad (recent example: Jack the Giant Killer), but with LOL there is no question. Bad trailer, horrendous movie. And there are other warning signs, like advertising with no secure release date.

You know what this movie reminds me of? Remember that Amanda Bynes movie What a Girl Wants, which also starred, inexplicably, Colin Firth? LOL = What a Girl Wants, Demi Moore = Colin Firth, and Miley Cyrus = Amanda Bynes. And where is Amanda Bynes today?

Yeah. Exactly.

(Lainey: here’s Miley Cyrus just before the new year smoking in Hawaii. Her resolution, supposedly, was to quit.)

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