I don’t think I’ve received a single email disagreeing about my position on Porny’s pregnancy style: that it’s remarkably superior to her non-pregnancy style, as in it’s GOOD style. Crazy talk, right? But look at her, stringing together win after win this week in New York in her maternity clothes. Finally finding the proportion in her choices in length and fit and tightness and/or looseness. Full Story

She wears her clothes so much better when she’s pregnant, non? Look at my Porny last night in New York with her freeloader. Doesn’t she look lovely? Isn’t that a good fit? Why can’t she do this when there’s no baby inside of her? But God her breasts must be heavy. They’re the same size as her belly. And I cannot deal with this dude and his legs and pants issue. Full Story

This is Jessica Simpson with her freeloader yesterday celebrating her nephew’s 3rd birthday. As you well know Porny is now pregnant with her own. Us Weekly reports that she will be signing with Weight Watchers after she gives birth to lose all her baby gain. Full Story

I have no idea. But In Touch Eye-Roll Weekly is claiming to have the exclusive. They’ve supposedly “confirmed” that Jessica Simpson is pregnant with that freeloader’s baby. Porny’s “kooky” cravings include “nacho chips dipped in chocolate and cheese-flavored popcorn and non-alcoholic margaritas”. Full Story

Jessica Simpson tweeted this yesterday: There are rumors that I was "drunk swaying" at the Adele concert last night. That wasn't drunk swaying, that was professional dancing! It’s funny, right? It’s actually not a bad joke. Full Story

It was Porny’s birthday yesterday. She’s 31 now. And she tweeted this photo – a gift from her KFed. He bought her a new bag. What looks like a Birkin. A very large, very orange one. With this caption: Eric made my birthday!!! I have never been more surprised in my life! Jackie O who? ;) See what Victoria Beckham has done to Birkins? Now anyone can buy a f-cking Birkin. Full Story

Porny and her KFed are in Paris. The photo agency is trying to tell me it’s all romantic and sh-t. Paris is indeed romantic. Paris was probably, so far, the best trip Jacek and I have ever taken. It was London first, then Paris, then the South of France, then Poland. And in Paris, walking everywhere, or taking the metro, and eating constantly, and drinking wine, and seeing everything, and he loved the Eiffel Tower so much, especially at night when it lights up – yeah we’re cheesy gross tourists – it was full on bliss all the time, every single day. Full Story

Porny was in New York last night with her freeloader and they went to dinner at a vegan restaurant, all part of her “get fit” plan as she’s supposedly working out 4 days a week for 75 minutes each time with the Tracy Anderson Method. Porny however denies that her motivation is a wedding or, for that matter, a new tv show: "Yes, I am working out, but why is that worth any sorta press? I always take care of myself. Full Story

Porny’s getting married this year. So she’s trying to lean out, get into her dress. Her last trainer was Harley Pasternak. But Harley’s connected to John Mayer. And besides, Porny wants to look like GOOP. Gwyneth’s body is aspirational? That’s actually a business plan. Full Story

Porny Jessica Simpson took her freeloader out for dinner last night. They went to Katsuya. Too much sake? He had to hold on to her to make sure she didn’t bail on those heels. But that is a crazy weave, non? And it’s actually not that bad either, comparatively speaking. Hers for example is far superior to Lilo’s and Fried Chicken Britney’s. Full Story

My Porny, ONCE AGAIN, took to Twitter to express gratitude that Eric Johnson has agreed to live off her fortune. The other day, Jacek called me Toronto from Vancouver to get me to call our regular sushi place to order him takeout. It's because I talk to the staff in Chinese and he thinks they pack the rolls better as a result. Full Story

When I saw these photos of my Porny on New Year’s Eve in Aspen with her golddigging future husband, I wondered whether or not I knew the meaning of real, profound love. The kind real, profound love that moves one to abandon all senses, especially sight, and waddle out of the house in reindeer tights like I don’t give a f-ck. Full Story

My Porny Jessica Simpson just celebrated her first Christmas with golddigger Eric Johnson. According to her Twitter, they were at her parents’, and she called him the “perfect” addition. Because, even though she runs an almost billion dollar business, she’ll always be the second class citizen in a relationship. Full Story

Remember when she looked like this and all you bumpwatch obsessed immediately concluded that she must be pregnant. Well... Is Jessica Simpson stupid enough to harm her baby with the drank? Debatable. But the people around her should probably be aware of the harmful effects that margaritas and tequila shots can have on an unborn child. Full Story