More porn, less corn

August 28, 2014 21:18:20 Posted at August 28, 2014 21:18:20
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
Ferdaus Shamim/ Getty

So E! News claims to have some more details about the Brange wedding. Apparently Angelina wore a white lace and silk gown, very simple, traditional, and floor length. Also a locket with her mother’s photo inside. If you’re the emotional type, that probably brought tears to your eyes. Hold on to that because your next reaction might be an eye-roll, or, in my case, dry heaving.

E!’s source reveals that the Jolie “had a veil” on and this is what happened at the altar:

“Brad lifted it (he) gasped because she looked so stunning.”

Gasped?

F-ck that is corny.

Corny.

I don’t want corn. I want porn. Pitt Porn. Did he have his hand on her ass, per usual, when they walked back down the aisle? Did the sounds of their wedding sex bounce off the walls of the chateau?

Nobody’s asking for a G-rated romanced novel here.

Did you hear about how her dad reacted when he found out? You and I probably knew about it before he did. He was told by Inside Edition that Brange got married. Reaction?

“That’s nice.”

That cracked me up. But considering he once went on tv pleading with her to get help for her mental illness, do you blame her?

 
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