Xenu Smut Articles

Dance Dance Revolution

August 29, 2013 14:25:37 Posted at August 29, 2013 14:25:37
Maria Posted by Maria
Photos:
WENN

Some alternate titles I came up with for this post: Tangoing with Xenu, Don’t Step on Tom Cruise’s Toes and Will Shelly Miscavige Sit In The Front Row? Leah Remini is confirmed as a contestant on season 17 (how has it had 17 seasons?!) of Dancing With the Stars. I know, I know, not exactly must-watch TV BUT – it’s popular and family-friendly, both key components in a battle against Xenu. Full Story

Michael Pena loves Xenu?

August 26, 2013 16:52:22 Posted at August 26, 2013 16:52:22
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
Handout/ Getty

Xenu had a birthday party the other day. It was the 44th anniversary of the Celebrity Scientology Centre and most of the notables who haven’t been excommunicated where there including the usuals – John Travolta, Kelly Preston, Jenna Elfman, and …Michael Pena? Where the f-ck have I been? I love Michael Pena! Michael Pena loves Xenu? Michael Pena is in End Of Watch, one of my Top 10 movies of 2012 Full Story

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Lisa Marie breaks up with Xenu?

February 19, 2013 23:04:48 Posted at February 19, 2013 23:04:48
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
Jason Kempin/ Getty

DAME Magazine just tweeted at several entertainment outlets about a new article they’ve posted re: whether or not Lisa Marie Presley has broken up with the Church of Scientology. Speculation about Lisa Marie’s relationship to Xenu has been circulating for months. Full Story

Back to back Jacks and Xenu’s rap

December 11, 2012 16:14:48 Posted at December 11, 2012 16:14:48
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
WENN

Here’s Tom Cruise at the London premiere of Jack Reacher last night wearing a lot of blush and bronzer. Contouring makes all the difference, you know? While Tom’s promoting his current release, a trailer for his next release, Oblivion, was released online yesterday. He plays another Jack. Full Story

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Katie, Nicole, and Rupert

July 2, 2012 16:12:40 Posted at July 2, 2012 16:12:40
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
Stephen Lovekin/ Bryan Bedder/ Getty Images

I find it pretty rich that Rupert Murdoch, who could out-sinister Dick Cheney and Karl Rove, is attacking Scientology but whatever, that’s another conversation. Murdoch, who is very, very close with Nicole Kidman, which is why none of his tabloids ever sh-t on her, was tweeting Full Story

A Big NOT Sci party

July 13, 2010 08:31:51 Posted at July 13, 2010 08:31:51
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Here’s what’s weird: Every night I scan the photo agencies so I can get a sense of what I might write about the next day. These photos were up right before I went to bed – Will Smith with Jada and the GMD and several other celebrities and the photo agency was calling it a “Scientology party”. Full Story

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Robo Mother of the Bride

May 11, 2009 07:26:14 Posted at May 11, 2009 07:26:14
Lainey Posted by Lainey

This is the problem: we’re misled these days that if we put our minds to it, “we can do anything”. Xenu says that through consistent and expensive auditing, “nothing is impossible”. Must be why Katie Holmes continues to believe she’s a f-cking clothing designer even though everything she’s made for herself sucks balls. Full Story

Marky Mark hates Xenu

November 18, 2008 18:53:52 Posted at November 18, 2008 18:53:52
Lainey Posted by Lainey

This is Mark Wahlberg with his long suffering but ultimately rewarded baby mother today at a medical centre either on his way to play golf or just coming back from. Max Payne, Mark’s most recent film last month came and went at the box office, no doubt a major disappointment. At least he has Entourage. Full Story

She’s with them

October 7, 2008 09:01:15 Posted at October 7, 2008 09:01:15
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Jennifer Lopez last night at the Women in Hollywood event, kinda bland and frumpy, and posing with her Xenu bestie Leah Remini who actually looks possessed. Not unlike Katie Holmes. And John Travolta. And Kelly Preston. Oh yeah, and the GMD. And soon… Jennifer Lopez. In a new interview for the Daily Beast Full Story

My Kiki Loves Xenu???

September 11, 2008 12:01:59 Posted at September 11, 2008 12:01:59
Lainey Posted by Lainey

We’ve lost another one! And now I fear it’s time to cut off my Kiki. I LOVE Kirsten Dunst. But now Kirsten Dunst loves the Xenu… What to do? Kiki on the cover of the latest issue of Harper’s Bazaar after a stint in rehab for what she is calling “depression”. Kiki says she’s made a full recovery, explaining that she was once “"enormously co-dependent. Full Story

Gay Midget Dork in the Middle

June 2, 2008 07:00:00 Posted at June 2, 2008 07:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Of course they had to. Of course they had to pose with SJP. SJP just won the box office. And you know how the GMD loves to grow himself onto anything and anyone mildly successful. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes did not walk the carpet last night but tried to pimp their fraud love backstage and also loitered about, freakin’ people out with their crazy eyes, giving people chills with their weird intense stares. Full Story

The Son of the GMD is the Son of Will

April 22, 2008 06:19:00 Posted at April 22, 2008 06:19:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Connor Cruise has caught the acting bug and will be joining the family business. Connor has just signed on to Seven Pounds alongside the GMD’s BFF Will Smith and will play Will’s son, making all of their lives further intertwined. Full Story

Gold, Old, and Shady

April 21, 2008 07:54:00 Posted at April 21, 2008 07:54:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

As mentioned earlier, Tom and Katie were on hand for the Beckhams birthday party last night in Santa Monica. Which means that, again, In Touch Weekly is, as usual, full of ass. Katie is NOT leaving him. Maybe that’s why she looks like sh*t. That gold dress on Katie used to be a couch in Hong Kong at the Peninsula hotel – back in the 40s when ladies smoked out of long, slender pipes, and always wore gloves. Full Story

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Madge Pities the Midge

April 21, 2008 01:29:00 Posted at April 21, 2008 01:29:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Only Madonna. Only Madonna could attack the GMD’s virility under the guise of sympathy. Madge gave an interview to New York Magazine and defended Tom Cruise’s scientological fanaticism by comparing him to starving orphans in Africa: "He is a good person. Full Story