Who the f-ck else would it be? Lindsay Lohan. Vanity Fair has published a sensational piece on Tom Cruise about his wife hunting; everyone’s been talking about it all week. According to US Weekly at no point in the article is Lohan’s name mentioned. Full Story

We’re 4 days away from Jessica Simpson’s post-pregnancy body unveiling on Katie Couric’s new show on Monday. While she tries to sweat off as many pounds as possible until then, details about her weight loss progress, or lack of progress, have been released. All of it, of course, in service of Porny’s deal with Weight Watchers in her role as the company’s spokesperson. Full Story

And her publicist too. Fresh off the underwhelming performance of her movie Apparition - the reviews for it are now at 2% on Rotten Tomatoes - a curious new item about Ashley Greene has appeared on today’s Page Six Full Story

No idea what a Katherine Jenkins was until she introduced herself to me by announcing that she’d never had an affair with David Beckham...on Twitter. Of course. Apparently there were rumours. So she had to deny them. And then some crazy fan threatened her so she called the cops. And it’s all making headlines. Full Story

I love people’s inexplicable celebrity follows.  They’re not crushes, they may not even be people you like, but you follow them without realizing you’re doing it, spit out  their resume without thinking every time someone idly wonders “whatever happened to”, and it inevitably proves to be embarrassing… As evidenced by the fact that I need to scream for a minute about Lauren Conrad. Full Story

The Katie Holmes-Tom Cruise divorce was finalised this week. Remember how they were all like “we’re keeping the terms confidential” right after an agreement was reached? Well now TMZ has some of the details. Not surprisingly the information favours Katie, just one of three Yay Katie stories released in the last two days. Full Story

I am obsessed with these pictures... So here’s JLo Bear in Vegas for the weekend also at Wet Republic where Prince Harry was partying. They rolled out a blue carpet for her to walk on at the step and repeat. You see how this works? She sends her slum lover Casper Bear down first. He sulkily walks by himself down to the end where he’s obviously instructed to stand there, like a proper second class citizen, to wait for her while she allows the cameras to make love to her. Full Story

Ryan Lochte attended the premiere of The Expendables 2 last night in Hollywood. But not before shopping at Ralph Lauren on Rodeo Drive. Hollywood is his playground now.  As you know, LA Lochte is doing 90210 and wants to be considering for Dancing and The Bachelor. According to the photo agency, this dude he’s posing with is someone called Chris Harrison. Full Story

Click here if you missed last week’s post, with photos, on Jennie Garth’s divorce thinnification. Along with her new dress size, it appears that Jennie also has a new man - Noah Abrams, a photographer. According to PEOPLE Full Story

Ryan Lochte arrived in LA last night presumably to start work on his guest role on 90210 and also to take meetings for a variety of Dancing Bachelor reality shows he’s trying to be a part of. Hollywood Lochte!  A proper LA boy now! How long before that pose-harding famewhore AnnaLynne McCord attaches herself to him? Let me put my hand in your face but not in a rude way to interrupt you when you say - she wouldn’t go for Ryan! She has a boyfriend now! Dominic Purcell. Full Story

Michael Phelps’s new ads for Louis Vuitton, photographed by Annie Leibovitz, were released this week. Look at him in that suit with his hair all styled up. Aaaaand... I still prefer him in the pool. Just in the pool. Not talking, not mixing up his Asians Full Story

First - Stella Tennant FOREVER. Second - I want to know what would have happened if they even tried suggesting to Kate Moss that she’d wear Victoria Beckham at the Closing Ceremony during the David Bowie Fashion tribute. Please. Victoria Beckham included among Alexander McQueen, Burberry, Vivienne Westwood, and others. Full Story

Look at me, I’m JCVD. That’s why he keeps kung fu-ing on the red carpet. And presumably why he’s doing the slap-the-ass dance with a metal sidewalk stanchion in Madrid...? I don’t know. I can’t explain. But I enjoy. In a can’t look away way, I really enjoy a man in all white spraying his legs all over a movie premiere, so grateful and appreciative that he gets to make the occasional movie now and again. Full Story

Ryan Lochte was out last night in London. He seems to enjoy getting papped, non? A lot. After London 2012, I wonder how he’ll deal with not being followed and talked about constantly anymore. Look at Ryan Lochte. Ryan Lochte doesn’t want to fade away and live a private life. Ryan Lochte wants it bad. Full Story