While George Clooney talks to dogs and Stacy Keibler lives at “our house”, her predecessor is in Cannes, getting groped on a yacht by Admiral General Aladeen.  I mean...I guess you always go back to your beginnings. Which means someday I’ll be a nerd again with thick glasses following around mah-jong ladies in Hong Kong. Full Story

So here's Lindsay Lohan in New York at A&E Networks 2012 Upfront at Lincoln Center last night. Now you know why Anna Wintour didn't want her at the Met Gala. Lohan was in town. You know she wanted to go. You know she would have tried. And Anna shut it down. The Met Gala is out of reach for Lindsay Lohan now. Full Story

Woody Allen agreed to meet Lindsay Lohan for dinner the other night in New York. The paps were there to shoot them on their way out. Of course. And who do you think texted them the location? As you know, the Met Gala is tonight. Rumour has it Lohan is desperate to attend. And desperate to find someone to dress her. Full Story

LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian have been married a year now. There was some kind of vow renewal. And then they went on holiday last week where she showed off her ass in several bikinis. What? Of course the paps were there. One pap was there. So the shots are exclusive and it happens to be the same agency that keeps getting pictures of them while they’re on the beach, getting engaged, and generally just being gross. Full Story

As you know, Lindsay Lohan is officially playing Elizabeth Taylor in a LifeTime TV movie about the legend. A lot of people are upset about this. But why? As I wrote in January, Lindsay Lohan, who once made feature films, is now working for LifeTime. LifeTime! Like, she’s on the same level with Jennifer Love Hewitt. Full Story

Robert Pattinson is dating Kristen Stewart. And they are very serious about each other. And he’s really, really into her. And he did not cheat on her with Lindsay Lohan. The problem with Lindsay Lohan however is that you can’t mess around with her sh-t. Like not even a polite greeting. Having bad manners is forgivable when they’re directed at Lindsay Lohan. Full Story

Oh look. Lindsay Lohan f-cked up. Where?She was leaving a club. Where else? Lohan was driving. She was trying to avoid the paps. Apparently she struck the club manager - very, very gently - while she was trying to turn around. Then, without getting out of the car and seeing if the dude was ok, she drove away. Full Story

Earlier today, Michael K at Dlisted posted these photos of Debbie Harry and Lindsay Lohan. Harry was horrifyingly mistaken for Lohan. Debbie Harry, by the way, is 66. Lindsay Lohan is 25. And then there’s Tara Reid...There was a time when it couldn’t get worse than Tara Reid. Full Story

I was at a junket on Saturday waiting with other reporters when the subject of Lindsay Lohan came up. Almost everyone agreed that she would be solid that night on SNL. And then we disagreed on whether or not it would mean anything, lead to a career comeback. There were 6 of us. Curiously, both Canadians were of the opinion that even if Lohan was awesome, it still wouldn’t make a difference because her face is now too far gone to recover, to put her in contention for any significant roles beyond “prostitute junkie sister who helps main character escape”. Full Story

Lindsay Lohan’s interview with Matt Lauer on The Today Show aired this morning. She says she’s changed and learned and is ready to move on and whatever, the same sh-t she’s been saying for years. And then, of course, when asked what she’ll be doing in 5 years, what she’ll be like at 30, the FIRST THING OUT OF HER MOUTH, right off the top, is:“Hopefully I’ll have just come from the Oscars this past weekend. Full Story

Lindsay Lohan went to court today and it’s been, oh, 4 months or so since she last f-cked up. The Judge was pleased that she’d completed the community service that was expected of her.Why are we being asked to stand up and applaud the fact that she FOLLOWED ORDERS??? Someone posted a question yesterday during the liveblog about Whitney Houston and Lohan, whether or not she could be next. Full Story

Scabby Pammy has been in Vancouver the last few days; it hasn’t exactly been a quiet trip home. Here she is with former football player Mitch Berger and his big ass Super Bowl ring. They spent most of the day at his apartment yesterday. At around 11am, he picked up a few bottles of wine and some strawberries. Full Story

Worst because obviously.Best because, don’t lie, seeing these two pieces of sh-t taking third place at a loser’s wedding gave you a lot of joy. Here’s a refresher: Lindsay Lohan wearing what I called a knock off of a knock off of a Cavalli barely containing her middle age tits looking older than her mother. Full Story

She was back in court today. TMZ had the play by play. Judge Sautner revoked her probation. Lindsay Lohan is due back in court on November 2 - my wedding anniversary! - to see if she has to go to jail. Among the issues reviewed to determine if she violated probation: attendance at counselling, completing a Shoplifter’s Alternative course, and of course, her community service. Full Story