Ashley Greene still isn’t Kristen Stewart

August 27, 2012 15:45:44 Posted at August 27, 2012 15:45:44
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
Santi/Splash

About a week before US Weekly exposed the Kristen Stewart-Rupert Sanders affair, a brilliantly hilarious item appeared in Page Six about how Ashley Greene was taking over Stewart as the go-to girl from Twilight. Click here for a refresher. Somehow the Post’s writer managed to get through the article without choking on Greene’s publicist. And then we laughed and went back to speculating about how badly Katie Holmes would f-ck up Scientology.

When the scandal broke, I wonder if Ashley Greene thought it was finally happening for her. That she would finally be the recipient of great timing given that Stewart was caught so fortuitously just as she was promoting her movie Apparition. Sure, sure, deny, deny, deny. That there wasn’t some secret celebrating going on over Stewart’s crucifixion. But these two were never close. Which is why, curiously, a few months ago when Greene, Stewart, and Robert Pattinson came back to Vancouver for final reshoots on Twilight 5, Greene changed flights when she found out she was originally scheduled to fly with the other two, opting instead to come in on the late night arrival, putting her on the ground well past 1am (after customs), even though her call time was at 5am. In the Sliding Doors of Ashley Greene’s imagination, what would her life have looked like if she’d been Bella instead of Stewart?

And how was Greene’s weekend?

Well...

Apparition was reviewing at 0% on Rotten Tomatoes on Saturday morning. It was a beautiful thing. Could it hang on to its perfect record? Go Apparition Go! You can do it! I’ve never seen that before, have you? Unfortunately some dude who had to be different gave it an “I didn’t totally loathe it because Ashley Greene looks pretty” assessment, bringing the movie up to 3% where, at press time, it now stands.

See? Ashley Greene can’t even be good at being bad. I mean at least if it was still at 0% that sh-t would be so sh-t it would have been iconic, you know? 3% bad is, I dunno, Jennifer Aniston territory. Hardly remarkable. 

So, no, it doesn’t look like Ashley Greene will be capitalising on Kristen Stewart’s misfortunes. Not for lack of trying, but for lack of everything, all over.

Attached - Greene promoting Apparition on Friday. The movie opened in 12th place this weekend earning just $2.9 million.
 

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