The Lohan/Hilton War & the Battle of Brandon Davis
The bloadsoaked streets of Paris are making me thirsty for conflict. And seriously, is there anything better than a good old fashioned Hollywood catfight, with good vs. evil and a clear, cocaine drawn line between the two? I think not. Every war is characterised by key battles. The Lohan/Hilton War is no different. Bitter enemies since the Battle of Nicole Richie, during which Lindsay publicly demonstrated her support for Paris’s brittle ex-BFF, tensions seem to be have escalated dramatically in recent days, beginning when Lindsay and Nicole flaunted their friendship in front of Paris at the MS Event last weekend and continuing onto her reported makeout session with the Greek Giant the next evening which of course resulted in Brandon Davis’s disgusting display of privileged punkitude the other night as an equally reprehensible Paris looked and laughed on. If you haven’t seen the clip, it’s well worth your time – in the most smutty sense possible. TMZ was all over it so click here and use CAUTION if you’re at work. So. It is time, gossips. It is time to take sides. Because apart from being an anorexic slut and more than a little skitty (see next article for definition), Lindsay Lohan – as you know – is really quite harmless. Harmless and fabulous and totally captivating. Why? Because she’s interesting. And because, unlike Paris whose best assets are the two loose flaps guarding her privates, Lindsay actually has some “it” – an intangible quality that makes her endlessly interesting, that complements her considerable talent. Now before you argue - Come on. Don’t tell me you didn’t love Mean Girls. And don’t tell me that between her and the heiress with the black hole, you wouldn’t go redhead and freckles in a second. Thing is – if Brandon had just left it at “firecrotch”, it would have actually been kinda funny. But the problem with rich people is that they just never know when to stop. If you grow up with no boundaries – no spending boundaries, no behavioural boundaries, no property boundaries – seeing the line is impossible. Which is why he crossed two huge social ones: the race issue and the class issue. Two frickin’ landmines from which this piece of sh*t will never recover. But the best part is – he just might drag Paris Hilton down with him. Because she is scrambling to recover today, issuing a statement via her publicist that she did nothing wrong and that she should not be held accountable for making the offensive remarks. Problem is – and you can see this clearly in the video – she totally encouraged it with her aneurism-inducing cackle, not to mention calling Lindsay out near the end of the clip when she asked “who’s movie bombed this weekend?”, undoubtedly referring to the piss poor box office performance of Just My Luck. Bottom line: if you hated Paris before, there is even more reason to hate her now. And if you hated Lindsay before – might I ask you to reconsider? Because the Julia’s of the world are getting old, Angelina and Brad are too busy making and taking babies, Britney and Justin are at least 5 years away from reconciliation, and unless you want your gossip watered down with a dose of Aniston and Eva Longoria…Lindsay Lohan really is the best thing on the gossip horizon. She is our future and our future needs protecting. Team Lindsay All.The.Way.