The Guest List is all that matters

December 15, 2011 15:51:28 Posted at December 15, 2011 15:51:28
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
Kevin Winter/Getty

This should be the motto of the Golden Globes. And if you’re here for the Gossip, that certainly works in your favour.

Big ups to Kristen Wiig. Love that Bridesmaids was recognised instead of The Hangover. Love that Wiig was included among Best Actresses Comedy although, um, you can tell they were kinda stretching, non? When there are 10 total lead acting spots to fill, there’s a lot of love to go around...

But not if you’re Melissa McCarthy who was shut out of Best Supporting Actress.

No, no, she wasn’t a priority for the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. The priorities were Brange and Clooney. Which is why Angelina Jolie’s In The Land Of Blood And Honey received a nomination for Best Foreign Film (can you imagine the size of the HFPA’s boner when they realised it met all the criteria?). Brad Pitt of course will be contending for Best Actor. And they’ll be seated where the cameras can find them most easily, in close proximity to George Clooney so that, hopefully, they can get all three, with a Keibler trying to wedge its way in there, in one frame, which they will try to cut to every 15 minutes while Ricky Gervais goes all meta on us and provides the play-by-play. God, please let that happen.

Speaking of Clooney...

They nominated him for Best Director for The Ides Of March. They did NOT nominate Steven Spielberg as Best Director for War Horse. Their justification, I imagine, for doing so was to give Ryan Gosling a Best Actor Drama nomination NOT for Drive, which is where he would have deserved it, but for March, thereby positioning March as the more well-rounded film over War Horse. This movie is called the George Clooney Blowjob.

As for Gosling?

Everyone’s talking about how he’s a double nominee in both Lead Actor categories. He’ll represent The Ides of March in Drama and... Crazy, Stupid, Love in Musical/Comedy ...what the f-ck??? It’s because he took his shirt off, isn’t it? This is how you become a Lead Actor in the eyes of the HFPA. You take your shirt off and a supporting role becomes a lead role and the real lead actor (in this Steve Carell) gets bumped.

You know who else was nominated twice? Kate Winslet. Wouldn’t it be so great if Kate Winslet got rid of that Ned Rocknloser in favour of Ryan Gosling???

If I were organising this thing, I’d invite Rachel McAdams and Michael Sheen to present on behalf of Midnight in Paris. You know.

So...

Ryan Reynolds has a movie coming out in February with Denzel Washington called Safe House. Presenting at the Globes and SAGs is a common studio move to get their talent out there on promotion during the season. Leonardo DiCaprio and Ryan Reynolds on the same carpet? Please studio, make it happen. And if it does happen and Blake Lively wants to outDO her How Did She DO That, she could try talking Ryan into making their red carpet debut as a couple the night of the Globes. Don’t lie. You would explode. We would all explode.

The ultimate, ultimate, ultimate dream presenter however has to be Jennifer Aniston. The Brange’s presence is secured. We are halfway there. Now we just need the studio behind Wanderlust to angle for a spot for Jennifer Aniston to open an envelope and we are primed for Great Gossip potential.

It’s entirely up to her. Any event planner would be a f-cking idiot not to not extend the invitation. So it’s Jen’s if she wants it. You know then, if she says yes, it means she and Justin Theroux are ready for a stare-down. Come then, Jen. You know you want to. You know HE wants to. This Theroux wants to show his own game up there. Rub your Gossip Genie that he gets the opportunity.

PS. The Globes would also be a great time for Zooey Deschanel (nominee) and Joseph Gordon-Levitt (nominee) to hug each other and realise they should never be apart again, right?

January 15th! With Ricky Gervais. This... is a GOOD year.

Attached - Sofia Vergara, Rashida Jones, Woody Harrelson, and Spittle Gerard Butler being gross at the Golden Globe nominations announcement this morning.

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