Heavy Breathing and Fifty Shades Of Beyonce

July 24, 2014 14:04:37 Posted at July 24, 2014 14:04:37
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
FameFlynet

There’s no doubt: Fifty Shades Of Grey, the movie, will be better than the book. How much better? Well, it depends on how far away Sam Taylor-Johnson was able to get from the author, EL James. James reportedly wanted total creative control…so if she put in all that sh-t about the inner goddess, it’s going to seriously kill my erection.

Speaking of erections…

The first clear shot of Jamie Dornan’s Christian Grey face didn’t give me one. It gets progressively better, a lot better, for sure, but only when he’s not in a suit. Every time he’s in a suit, I check out. When he’s in that tight cotton shirt in the elevator though? Now this is where it’s working. And that’s not normally my style. Normally the suit is what rubs me right. Look at him standing next to the helicopter. Sam usually has an eye for these things. I wish she would have arranged his body better, the way his legs are positioned. Right?

Accuse me of fixating on minor details, sure. But isn’t that how attraction is developed? Isn’t that how you build arousal? The fine points can turn you on. The fine points can also shut down the heat.

About that elevator though…

This is where the trailer really picks up. And ….

That’s also exactly when you start hearing Beyonce’s voice in a slowed down version of Crazy In Love. Seriously, Beyonce makes the trailer.

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PS It just occurred to me that I haven’t made any comments about Dakota Johnson. I wonder if that’s the point. She’s been stripped down to be the “every girl”, almost unremarkable. Like… we the civilian to them the celebrity. Fair enough.

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