Written by Duana
Hi ya’ll! Gossip Du here. I can’t believe this show has me back in its clutches, but then again, they’ve completely abandoned realism so there’s that much less for me to be concerned with. I think it’s a smart move all around, right?
Having said that, this episode is called “the undergraduates” – so they’re at least pretending they’re all still in school. Stand by for that…here we go!
(Quick note from Lainey re: attached photos: Blake Lively in two outfits at Letterman last night. LOVE the bright blue skinny pants and leather jacket. And, just because it’s Duana by Degrassi association, Drake was at Letterman too.)
Pretty shots of Manhattan – we’re home!
Dorota! She assures Blair Gossip Girl’s site isn’t down as an insult to her personally.
Serena eats with Eric! Who is back, but has a terrible haircut! Gossip Girl’s absence is going to ruin everything!
Chuck wakes up…next to a note. It’s enough to get him out of bed – to find Fleur in a nighty. Who wears a nighty? Oh I see…it’s for ease of untying.
Blair and Serena at Columbia – it’s really pretty. B’s first day outfit is too young for her, which is to say, totally beautiful and appropriate.
B and S debate applying to various special societies that need to find special keys. Do we know where this is going?
Lily and Rufus talk by phone. Rufus has bad news for Dan – Lily is thrilled not to be a part of it.
Dan enunciates the word ‘moment’ far more than necessary.
Nate and Chuck pass the torch of the black book – which Chuck throws out! What? Fleur Delacour calls him Henry, then gets shipped to the spa. That’s…her plan? Nate chortles. He’s good at that.
B and S in a beautiful ‘private club’. Penelope! Pretty! She doesn’t want ‘has beens’ here. B and S approach a ‘keymaster’ – it’s Juliette. Is it? Sure.
Only one key! Two girls! Who’s surprised? Hands up. In a shocking twist, the key is for B! And Gossip Girl is back up…to tell us what we already saw. Chuck and Fleur are here. Even Eric sees!
Dan processes Rufus’ news that his boys can’t swim. Rufus foolishly allows Dan to ‘handle it’ on his own. But oops! Georgina’s in St. Barts! Whee!
Blair worries about Serena not being invited to the club – but not enough to go after her.
Chuck and Lily pretend they care about Jenny. Lily asks Chuck not to strain himself feeling any emotions. Chuck confesses he likes Fleur. Or “Eva”, apparently. They hug. Kiiiiisss!
Oh, Fashion’s Night Out! Show, you are so current.
B’s feet come unstuck from the floor and she runs after lank-unwashed-haired Serena. They make dinner plans that will be broken before the halfway point.
S feels lonely – calls Dan. He’s stalking Georgina. Then S begs Nate to play with her – he’s in the key club. Serena unpopular? Que?
Lily assures Rufus she doesn’t love Chuck more than him. This is a lie. Rufus is still pretend-worried about Jenny’s long-gone virtue.
Fleur Pretty-Womans in front of Chuck. He leaves. She does NOT go into a hat montage. Meanwhile, Juliette tells B she’s better than S. Which B can’t deny.
Blair is assaulted by the sight of Fleur in that dress. She tries to keep her lunch down. B tells her she shouldn’t come to Fashion’s Night Out. She calls Fleur ‘off the rack’. It’s pretty fun!
A clown threw up on Vanessa. She’s hoping if she’s neon Dan will hate her clothes so much he’ll rip them off. Dan catches up to the rest of us – Georgina might not come back. News at 11.
B has martinis on…steps. At the bottom of a NYC street. She proceeds to ditch Serena…we’re only 15 minutes in! Juliette puts the full court press on B, who caves.
S opens her NOT MAC computer and watches video of B drinking on steps. Shock! Why??
Stormy skyline precedes Nate touching Juliette, who looks 40. But they don’t get to date tonight. Nate promises Serena doesn’t get a vote. She caves to a date.
See thru umbrellas. For real? Serena doesn’t raise her voice at being ditched. B has a paltry excuse. S tells her Juliette hates her. Predictably, Blair makes it about her. S tries to summon a look of outrage – only manages vague confusion.
Great line about a bitchy mom saying her anorexic daughter is fat. Thanks, show!
Chuck waits on Fleur…she wears her nighty. Strangely, she chooses not to get eviscerated by Blair on B’s own turf.
Surprise! Fleur is embarrassed by her lack of money! But Chuck thinks it ‘speaks to her character’ as if he knows what that is!
It was night at Chuck’s but daytime at Lily’s. Eric and Rufus fuss with bowties. The men MANLYMAN that Chuck is beyond redemption. Eric tattles that Chuck tried to rape Jenny back when she was an aspiring Library-steps sitter. Rufus broods.
Dan leaves children’s services. Wait, what? Can’t Lily sell the baby somewhere? Dan’s eyes are opened to the difficulties of orphans. Amazing!
S and Juliette on campus! Yammer about keys! Juliette says ‘someone’ didn’t want S. Implies it’s B. S tries not to believe it. J doesn’t have to twist the knife hard…at all.
Serena’s angry look is now substituted with ‘intrigue’.
Insane nursery. Vanessa begs Dan to let her be the baby’s mama. She pretends like she didn’t plan this all along. He takes one second of convincing.
Fashion’s night out! I want a lot of these clothes. Hey, actual DVF the person!
S sweeps in looking equal parts amazing and ridiculous. I want that too. Penelope looks awkward – pushes the S & B conflict up a notch.
Chuck tells Fleur to pour booze down her throat to cope. Then approaches Rufus and Eric. Rufus outraged at 3 year old failed rape! Chuck uses many syllables! MANLYMEN unmoved.
Rufus wants to tell Fleur Chuck’s terrible. Chuck saves face by selling Fleur out to her face.
Juliette sees S & B fight on Penelope’s phone and…streams it on the monitors conveniently placed. They fight…physically.
Juliette rips back curtain to find S & B totally framed Juliette! Dorota filmed them! Nice work! Blair’s dress is silver, short, and absolutely completely amazing.
Dan’s son remains cute in the face of a really dumb animal hat. Georgina returns. Dan knows everything! She says someone’s trying to kill her. How original.
Fashion confrontation! B and S totally Sherlock and Watson Juliette. Explain they know everyone ever, including Gossip Girl. Lily hilariously takes 40 year old Juliette’s key away. It’s the best.
Nate traipses after Juliette. Because he’s mad at S. Who knew? He didn’t. It took him until now to realize it.
Georgina unveils her Russian spy novel plot. She did a dude on a plane, she got knocked up, all the people in her story have stereotypical names like Sergei and Oksana.
Dan has Serena disease and is only mildly concerned with Georgina’s tale of woe. He wants the kid now. Because it’s cute in a bear hat. Dan pouts.
Lily is HILARIOUSLY entertaining when she is messing in her children’s drama. She promises everything will be OK. Chuck explains he totally screwed Fleur over already. But runs after her.
Chuck tells Fleur he’s a bad person…over the commercial break.
Nighttime! Fashion! Patterns are what separate fashion people from real people. Yay!
B talks to Charlotte Ronson but…since she has no shot that lights her face, who would know?
Chuck bitches at B – until Fleur comes in. She’s over him being a serial rapist. They kiss. Neato! He drags her over to Rufus and Lily.
Now Juliette works. Stuffing bags? Wasn’t she kicked out? Nate furrows his brow at her. These two are BOTH all one colour –my number one pet peeve. Kissing!
Betty and Veronica bitch about Juliette. They look very pretty. Friends Forever!
DUMBO. Dan’s shirt is FAR too unbuttoned. Vanessa appears in Navajo. She’s moving in? Or not? He wants her to stay. In the fake creepy nursery? Can she redecorate? Somehow Vanessa doesn’t recoil at Dan’s hairy, sweaty clavicle.
Sleepover at B’s! Dressing gowns! Kiiiiss! Or failing that, pillow fight!
And my prayers are ANSWERED because Blair wants Serena to move in! Dorota decorated! It’s fantastic! Except for a bird display which, over the bed, would make me think of bats.
Fleur is sad in her big big suite. She unpacks anyway because why not?
Dan carries Vanessa’s neon inside. Not joking.
Juliette is being interrogated in a police room. Nope, it’s a conjugal visit with – who is that exactly? She promises she’ll help him with breaking the sisterhood.
This episode was pretty but snoozy. You can’t make me believe S and B would physically fight. Better luck next time, show and Juliette!
Photos from Wenn.com and Richie Buxo/Splashnewsonline.com