Jennifer Aniston: a friendly black dress

December 11, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at December 11, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Even by her standards, this is orange, non? Does she ever NOT tan? Check out Jen supporting Courteney at the premiere of Dirt on Saturday wearing…wait for it, wait for it… yes of course, a little black dress – totally appropriate on this night. Courteney, after all, is her fiercest ally, her shoulder to cry on, again and again and again and again. Courtney lights the match at the Purging Bonfires, Courteney holds the Healing Candle at the Renewal Parties, she holds the Positivity Book at the Self Affirmation Luncheons, she leads the chants at the Empowerment Meditation Sessions…Jen would never dare outshine Courteney on Courteney’s night, especially in light of Courteney’s notorious southern bite. Belles can bite too, you know. Hopefully Courteney will find success once again in rallying her friend. Because seriously…girl does NOT look good. Poor Jen looks dry and old and frumpy, far from fresh...Jen looks like we look when we look at her: Jen actually looks bored. Because Single Jen just doesn’t work, you know? Jen needs to be loved. More importantly, Jen needs to appear to be loved. Which is why Jen needs a new boyfriend. But many of you don’t approve of John Stamos. Apparently you like him too much, you don’t want to spoil his comeback. So as Cathy in Halifax suggested – what about Michael Vartan? Always B list, no possibility of outfaming a famewhore, goodlooking in that generic, unintimidating way, also tv star for life, seems well suited for bland – definitely well qualified as the perfect accessory… Jennifer Aniston and Michael Vartan? Love, Love, Love.
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