Can I love you again?
Are you over yourself?
You seem to be. I’m so happy! Even with the JailBait next to you, I’m so happy.
Joaquin Phoenix has resurfaced. Almost a year after his bizarre foray into rap and his embarrassing appearance on Letterman, almost a year after we knew him for his beard and could not find the hotness underneath, Joaquin is back, cleanshaven, coherent, doesn’t look pudgy, isn’t fronting like an uberartist, isn’t smug, isn’t an asshole, actually has a sense of humour, and looks totally hot again.
It’s a PSA for To Write Love on Her Arms, “dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide.” The organisation is vying for a $1 million prize in a contest for charities. Joaquin pretends he isn’t interesting enough to engage youth in a short video and then JailBait inserts herself into the picture and gives him a tutorial on how to use the internet because clearly, like, yeah, uhuh gumsmack, duh, he’s like clueless. At one point, JP looks off camera and asks who she is, what she does. Staged, obviously, but hilarious. On so many levels.
Suffer through her Bad Romance however and the payoff is amazing.
Joaquin and Liv Tyler together as he passes on what he’s learned from JailBait. You remember, don’t you? Their heady, all encompassing love? They were SO IN LOVE. They were so beautiful. They were too young. They were too damaged. And now, after all these years, he’s a sexy beast again and they’re friends again...
But F-CK THAT JAILBAIT won’t go away.
As for Joaquin and what he’s up to...apparently writing music. Says musician Julian Shah-Taylor, Joaquin has enough material for an album that could be as important as the Beatles, Bowie, and Oasis. He’s just choosing not to release it because it’s so good he can’t handle the attention that would inevitably ensue when monumental music is unleashed to the masses.
I am rolling my eyes along with you.
Please. He’s just recovered. Let’s not piss this away again.