Fast Bumps, Slow Bumps, and Salad Bumps

June 7, 2012 19:37:51 Posted at June 7, 2012 19:37:51
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
Splash

People keep saying Megan Fox is pregnant. Was there an official confirmation? There was no official denial; I suppose that's the same thing.

Some celebrities announce they're expecting and immediately their growing bump starts punching you in the face over and over and over again. Every inch is obvious and can be documented. Still others are like Megan. People are bumpwatching her now. Really? This is what I look like when I've fasted for a month.

If it is a bump, I'm not even sure that's a baby in there and not just a huge salad. Or a bowl of carbonara. Which I have been craving for weeks only every time I go to order one in a restaurant I see the faces of my Italian friends sneering in disapproval because "this is not the place for pasta".

So there are fast bumps and there are slow bumps. The point is, again, that a woman's body is a unique and marvellous creation. There are fast bumpers like Jessica Simpson. There are slow bumpers like Megan Fox. But why is it that pregnancy must be standardised?
 

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