Hollywood Ebola and The Geriatric

June 25, 2007 00:00:00 Posted at June 25, 2007 00:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Probably a result of public disappointment, for fear of backlash and ridicule, NBC killed its plan to pay Hollywood Ebola a million dollars for her first post-prison interview. Barbara Walters, that senile old bag, in a moment of lucidity, also rejected the opportunity, likely bombarded over the last two weeks by emails from disbelieving viewers about her transparent defence of Paris on The View.

As such, with no one else interested in writing them a cheque, because it’s never enough money for the Hiltons, Paris has taken her exclusive to Larry King and will appear on CNN on Wednesday – 24 hours out of the slammer and more than enough time to fix up the weave, get a spray tan, and consult on the perfect ensemble.

Sad thing is, as much as I’d love to say I’m not watching… I am weak and I am small. I will watch. I will watch Larry ask his inane questions. I will watch him coddle that dirty twat and feed the power of The Virus. But perhaps, perhaps there is an off off off chance he just might take a hard line, that he will actually do the unthinkable and press her about her mysterious illness, how much coke she does, why her potent disease destroys everyone around her. Perhaps Larry will actually tell it to her face: that everybody hates her, and perhaps he will then wonder aloud, in a moment of geriatric rambling, how she handles that universal truth, the universally accepted truth that she is despised like no other.

If he actually does it, if Larry can summon one last gasp of juice in those old balls, I’ll watch his show every day for the rest of his life. ESPECIALLY if they open up the phone lines fairly and let in all the callers. All the callers who will ring up and tell Paris she sucks ass.

If he actually does that, Larry #1 on the Freebie Five.

Doubtful.

Previous Article Next Article