The Lilo Split: Exit Harry, Enter Anorexia
September 25, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at September 25, 2006 12:00:00
And maybe some hardcore drugs while we"re at it, since nothin" works like heartbreak to get rid of that extra summer weight which is exactly what happened last time, post-Wilmer, and a brand new Lindsay 25 pounds lighter. In case you haven"t heard, according to People Magazine, Lilo and Harry broke up on Thursday and made up by Friday and the last word we got before heading out for weekend is that they had reconciled with her rep confirming: "They are together now" and another source explaining that, "They argue, they don"t argue. They"re communicating. They"re hanging out. Whatever"s going to transpire there is going to transpire" - one of those useless, dumbass statements people say just to feel important, when they *think* they"re being profound by using a profound word when in actual fact all they"re saying is that whatever"s going to happen will happen, and really…what the f&Ck is so profound about that??? Sorry… I digress. And Lindsay"s latest love is beginning to unravel, likely unspooling itself over the next few weeks across the blog universe for your gossiping pleasure. The cause? Her drama, her little Lilo, her mini peekaboo flapping its wings on a weekly basis through the doors of a chauffeur driven luxury vehicle, adding a whole new dimension to the name Pink Taco, heretofore no longer just a chain of Mexican restaurants but also a freckly flash of young Hollywood poon - something I"m not sure Morton"s shareholders quite had in mind and the real motivation behind the split. Not that Lindsay was bad for business but managing Lilo was bad for Harry"s focus on his business, albeit nowhere near Mr Trump"s wheeling and dealing, but whatever light load he was assigned was rumoured to be suffering from full on preoccupation with putting out every Fire in her Crotch, from LA to Hawaii to Venice to London to NYC - being Mr Lilo requires a healthy appetite for drama and a willingness to travel internationally in pursuit of said drama, drama that can be time consuming, time that any businessman never has enough of, especially after Labour Day. Which brings us back to the break up. The first in a series of make up/break ups that will undoubtedly and eventually lead to something permanent by late Fall, just in time for Lindsay to begin her annual Thanksgiving cleanse, first with an exhaustion visit to the hospital followed by a food detox diet consisting of ciggies, alcohol, and an 8 ball once every few days, before finally, hopefully, hooking up with the love of her life: a royal Firecrotch Harry, the only Harry that matters… Can you imagine Lindsay Lohan and Hot Harry on a Horse??? Don"t tell me it couldn"t happen. It could So.Totally.Happen. And they"d be a smutty couple for the ages. Pray Goddess…let it be so.