His bro hates me, throwdown brewing, the deadline

September 26, 2011 21:17:37 Posted at September 26, 2011 21:17:37
Sasha Posted by Sasha

Sasha, I've been in a relationship with the love of my life for going on 2 1/2 years now. He's everything I could ever want. We both know we're headed down to hop on the marriage pony, we've talked about it, we're both on the same page, it's pretty much just a matter of time. I couldn't be more happy about this, but there's one hitch before we get... hitched...
His brother hates me. I don't mean he hasn't really warmed up to me, he literally hates my guts and everything about me. He's pretty much hated me from the start. (A little background...) I met my boyfriend (we'll call him A) through a very good friend of mine, while I was currently dating someone else. This friend was dating A's brother and they all lived together, that’s how we met. I started to really like him after about a month and was told by my friend that he liked me as well, mind you I was with someone else. Short of shorts, I tried to fight it for about 2 or 3 months, until I realized that my current relationship was going nowhere, and I really felt a huge connection with A. I broke up with my then boyfriend and A and I got together shortly after and have been together ever since. Unfortunately, A's brother had a huge problem with this. He continually told my friend and A that I would probably end up doing the same thing to him... which never happened of course; we have been 100% faithful with each other.
It's over 2 years later now... and anytime we hang out with A's brother, there is ALWAYS tension/attitude/hostility towards me coming from A's brother. There have been straight up fights between A and his brother over me; over how A feels about me, how our relationship is so offensive to A's bro, how he thinks I'm completely wrong for A etc etc etc. Even though he hates me, I respect him, he's just one of those people that you can't help but to. But I have my breaking point.
I'm honestly at my wits end. I know you can't force a person into liking you, or even tolerating you. I could really care less if he hates me, however I DO care that it's stressing my man out. There have been one or two times where A's bro and I have a called "a truce" for the sake of A, but it never seems to last, no matter what I do. I really hope you can help me out with this... I don't want it to cause a rift between A and I. S.


What the f-ck is up with this brother? Gawd, he sounds like a major dickhead. I’m not going to lie, S, this is definitely not a good situation. And I feel for you because if I were in your position I’d be stressed too.

As for what you should do, I know it licks to be the grown-up, but for the sake of your man and your relationship I think you need to give the truce one more go. I know, I know. Look, I don’t know how you’ve broached this topic in the past with his bro, but I really think you need to lay it all out on the line this time. Don’t puss around and play nice – sit his ass down and lay down the goddamn law. Tell him that he can think whatever he wants about you, but the one thing he can NEVER say and the one thing you NEVER want to hear again is that you don’t love A. See, S, that’s the kicker, once you’re clear with that little fact, he’s left with nothing to fight you on. And if what you say is true, that you’re not this sketchy biatch he thinks you are, then he has no ground to stand on. He can’t continue to fight someone that’s confessing their undying love. You know?

Now, if he continues to be a roaring asshole even after this last attempt, then you know what? It’s time to pass the buck over to A. Sorry, but it’s his family, and that means it’s his dysfunction to take on. He needs to stand up for you and tell his brother to get a grip.

S, at a certain point you’re just going to have to let go and check out of this mess. And I think that time is now. You can only do so much and if A’s brother’s doesn’t get that being an opinionated prick only does him an injustice, then that’s his f-cking fault, no one else’s.

I hope this helps and keep me posted! xx


Dear Sasha,
Long backstory made short: I was super tight with these 4 girls that I use to work with. And after some events I stopped being friends with one of them because...well...I think she's a back-stabbing, conniving, less-than-honorable chick who did me wrong. Whatever. I'm over it. It's now just a preface for my actual problem:

After the whole incident, the 4 of us weren't as tight as a unit and it was sort of split down the middle. I stayed really close with one girl and the other two are super tight. My friend is friends with them but there's like an unspoken thing that we all 4 don't hang out any more.

I switched jobs recently but maintain friendships with a lot of people from work still. Anyway I get wind that this one chick (super tight with the girl that did me wrong) is talking smack about me. Just stuff about how I'm a square and I'm a prude. It's all lame. Now I'm all about rising above it. It's not like i'm texting her asking her why she's being an epic wench. She can talk sh-t about me til she's blue because it's all wrong. But...there's a party going down this weekend of mutual friends and i'm going and I know she's going (girl will never turn down a party) and I'm just concerned that with alcohol around a confrontation will occur...and the question is do you engage or do you walk? I mean, yeah i can defend myself but should I even have to? Plus i kinda wanna be prepared...as I do tend to cry when i'm angry which is not the face i'm going for in this bitch fight. I wanna come out of this with the dignity and the respect that I deserve because I'm not the one at fault. I'm taking off my earrings in anticipation of a rumble...but i'm not happy to do it. K


I’ve only seen two girl brawls in my life and good god they were scarier than any dude fight. I love females but wow we’re cheap when we fight. Not only is there hair pulling, scratching, and tit punching, but it’s so emotionally abusive too. When guys fight they get to the f-cking point, when girls fight we pummel each other’s heart. But what am I talking about? You’re not really going to fight….are you?

K, I can sense that you’re getting all riled up for some kind of throw-down, but please don’t go there. Listen, if this chick wants to geek out then let her, but you sure as hell shouldn’t feed into that kind of drivel. If she comes up to you and tries to get all sassy pants, shut it down. I get that in those moments all you want to do is stand your ground, but trust me you’ll regret it later. Look, all you have to say is ‘hey, I don’t know what’s going on here, but I’m having a good time so can you stop being a buzz kill.’ And then walk the other direction.

People like her, who crave causing big scenes, are truly the most embarrassing kind. All they want to do is spew their insecurity so they can bring you down into their misery spiral. And K, it’s so easy to get caught up in that sh-t, but I can’t let you go out that way. So do whatever you need to do to blow off some steam before this party rolls - go for a run, watch episodes of Oprah’s Angel Network, masturbate a sh-t load …. I don’t care - all I know is that I need you to walk in there with a cool and peaceful mind frame. Got it?

Hope this helps! But maybe throw a jar of Vaseline in your purse just in case you have to protect that pretty little face of yours…


Hi Sasha! I've been dating up a storm and loving it. My primary source for all of my escapades is through an online dating website. At the end of July, I met with this guy, lets call him J and it went really really well. It went on like this for about a month, just very smoothly, no games, and tons of fun. Here comes the reason why I'm writing you though, About three weeks ago, he had to suddenly move 3 hours away for a temporary job until he goes back to school in January. (Some side details...he took the semester off, and even when he goes back to school, he'll be 2.5 hours away, but where he goes to school, I may end up moving to this spring. So there's that.)

We are not in a 'relationship', we agreed to give it some time and see how it goes with him being away before we decide what to do since neither of us have been in a long distance relationship before. We both agree that we are extremely interested in seeing where this goes and that it could be a very long term thing but that the distance sucks. Basically, we've skyped for 2+ hrs every night since he's been there, wake up calls in the morning, and I'm going there this weekend.

The deadline for deciding (he imposed it btw, not me) is Oct 1st. I've noticed too that he still logs everyday onto the website we met on and even updated his location, which bothers me a little, but hey, we aren't in a relationship so I don't have a right to be annoyed. We've agreed to not really go on other dates but if we do, to let the other one know. So here is my question, should Oct 1st arrive and he is not sure he wants to give it a real shot, should I just call it quits then? By this point, we'll have been dating for over 2 months, I'll have driven out and visited him and abstained from seeing other people Thanks so much! A


This seems pretty clear cut to me, A. If dude isn’t ready to commit by the date HE set, then I think you’ve got your answer - he’s not down. But let me back up for one second because I need to give you some props.

From what I can tell you’ve played this situation perfectly. You haven’t put on any psycho pressure and you haven’t pretended you’re not interested. This is what they call good ‘game’ - not playing games – so pimp hats off to you.

Now back to the reality of your situation. Two months might not be an eternity but it’s enough time to figure out if you want to be with someone or not. And I know having him moving away wasn’t ideal but two hours ain’t no thang. So if that is theh excuse, I’m sorry, that means he’s still on the single train. And in that the case, I say cut your losses and move on.

If what you want to be is his girlfriend then take no less than that. Because the longer you stay in limbo with him the more f-cked sh-t is going to get. Trust. So stick to what you want and don’t waiver. If he can’t give it to you, you’re not there to compromise. Period.

Keep me posted. xx

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