Spice Girls – The Show
It was a girly gay paradise. I asked my husband if he wanted to come along… he cleverly declined. And it was the right decision. Because we were screaming and dancing and singing in the aisles and it was not a night for the “dude” but one for Girl Power…even the bitchiest sceptics will turn off the snark, just for 2 hours, and buy what they’re selling.
As the girls hugged each other repeatedly, squeezing hands, and exchanging secret smiles, of course they were also hawking their friendship. Still… maybe it’s because Cavalli’s glitter probably hasn’t worn off…but I totally believe, and so did everyone else in the arena, though the evening was not without its cheese. Especially from Posh. But isn’t that why we love the Spice?
First of all, the set and the staging – was incredible. Had to be. After all, you need distractions at a Spice Girls concert. Second … Cavalli did an amazing job. AMAZING. The costumes were crazy. And plentiful! Of course Victoria’s pieces were the most exquisite, the most embellished, the most adorned. Of course. But if you ask me, it was Geri who looked best. Particularly the Union Jack sequined mini. And it was Geri’s body that was the sh*t. She’s verging on a bit too thin – TINY! – but she is toned like you wouldn’t believe. Legs are cut, abs are cut, arms are cut… up close she is spectacular. And her costumes had variety. Unlike Posh...who rocked the same bustline over and over and over again.
As for her breasts … definitely downsized. You may think the concrete tits are front and centre and pouring out of her corsets but look closely, they are simply pushed up to the tilt, leaving almost nothing underneath – flat down below, see? It’s all she’s got, as opposed to what was before, and seeing her pieces, it totally makes sense. If she had left the silicone, she really couldn’t have jammed it all in and been able to move. And her movements were limited enough as it is.
Because while the others girls gave ‘er on all the moves, Posh’s dance contribution consisted of waving and posing and half hearted shimmies and twists – not for lack of inclination, mind you, but because the Posh (bless her) was strapped in so tightly, any grand gestures would have jeopardised her perfect “look”. Fashion over function, savvy?
When it came to the music – all the big hits…and then some. What’s most hilarious though is that...let’s be honest…they don’t exactly have an extensive repertoire. So at one point, probably the weakest point (if there had to be one), they came out with a medley consisting of “Celebration” and “We are Family) and a couple others which, when taken in the grand scheme, totally made cheesy campy sense.
Seriously…isn’t it extra extra delicious that THEY RAN OUT OF SONGS??? And that they had to perform Spice Up Your Life not once…but twice???
Don’t lie… you love it.
And you’ll also love this – my favourite detail. The funniest sh*t ever.
Every girl had a solo. A five minute-long opportunity to perform alone. Scary sang “Are you Gonna Go My Way” dragging up a random fan from the floor – what’s up Piers! – strapping him to a metal ladder, and brandishing a whip around his head before grinding him up and sticking her crotch in his face. You’ve never seen a ‘mo so excited in the presence of vagina.
As for the others – Baby performed a song off her solo album wearing black and white sequins, Sporty rocked one of her own as well showing off some impressive pipes, and Ginger brought the house down with a kick ass live version of It’s Raining Men.
And then there’s Posh…
Instead, they strapped a train onto her mini dress, turned on the wind machine, gave her a pair of sunglasses and pushed her down the catwalk. Posh posed at the top for what seemed like an eternity, with the train and her hair all gusting up around her, only to be lowered back under the stage without opening her mouth. Period.
It was the greatest moment ever.
A concert where a singer doesn’t sing but instead wears a fancy dress and struts down a catwalk….Do you love it, or do you LOVE it?
Don’t lie. You LOVE it.