Brange 2012

December 31, 2012 16:33:01 Posted at December 31, 2012 16:33:01
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
Adriana M. Barraza /WENN

It started off so promising!

The Oscar Leg seemed so promising: Angelina Jolie took over the Academy Awards with her leg, and everyone memed the sh-t of it, and she became a punchline, and Brangelunatics were like, no way, ha ha, it means everyone is still talking about them, and they followed that up with an engagement and that was only April...

So what did they do with the rest of the year?

NOTHING.

I mean, sure, they went off to save the world and make some movies and look after their babies, but, I dunno, maybe she was embarrassed by the leg or something, the second half of 2012 was more retreat than anything else. Which means an egregious lack of Pitt Porn. Like, the lowest amount of Pitt Porn since Pitt Porn was invented. This is why Kanye West’s girlfriend has been allowed proceed, unchallenged, in Gossip, and continues to degrade it.

Which is why a part of me hopes it actually happens today. Brange is on holiday in Turks & Caicos. They supposedly have 12 nannies. They’ve taken over Donna Karan’s property. It’s super private and so far there have been no pictures and his parents and siblings are reportedly there and her family too so while everyone’s eager to celebrate NYE today, we’re also keeping one eye cocked on the Caribbean, just in case.

If they actually did it, that would blow Kanye West’s headline off the front page. And it would be satisfying for a few days. But, um, selfishly, I really don’t want to work tomorrow. Also doing it now offers Brange no professional advantage. After all, it’s not like they need to go head to head with Kanye and someone who doesn’t even deserve to get her own name. And do we really want to the tit for tat dueling engagements Jen+Justin vs Brange to end? We haven’t gotten full mileage out of that rectangle yet.

Previous Article Next Article