Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Dear Gossips,

Blake Lively’s The Shallows performed well at the box office this weekend after the studio smartly moved it up as counterprogramming. Reviews of The Shallows were pretty solid too, as critics judged it by B movie standards, appreciating it for the camp and schlock and overlooking it for the “only white lives matter” undertone.

After all, it’s summer. Summer is about fun at the beach and hot blondes in bikinis. When that hot blonde is so good at eating burgers and looks, basically, like a Disney princess come to life, nobody wants to think so hard about it. Is that the key to the success of Blake Lively? Last week, MTV posted an article called The Unbearable Blakeness of Lively, a hilarious read, calling her the “perfect woman” because she’s “all blonde and no edges, so smooth it’s like she’s not even there”.

Do you feel bad for her? It’s going to be OK, don’t fret. Because, as the writer notes, “Blake Lively is indestructible and she will be famous forever”. Vox takes it even further, declaring in a new post yesterday that Blake is “the greatest success story the movie industry has ever seen”. Blake Lively is a survivor. As Vox notes, she’s “not a great actress”, and that hasn’t stopped her. She’s “openly dull”, and that hasn’t stopped her. Her business went down, that didn’t stop her. She was critised for idealising style in the time of slavery, and it didn’t stop her.

So, again, you needn’t come defiantly in defence of Blake Lively. She doesn’t need your support. Blake Lively will always win. And so will Maria Sharapova who got caught doping and is suspended from tennis for two years and is now – guess what?! OMG such exciting news! – going to Harvard Business School and still has the support of her sponsors Nike, Evian, and Head. I told you not to worry about Maria. 

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

Comedy in our annus horribilis

June 28, 2016 15:12:13 Posted at June 28, 2016 15:12:13
Sarah Posted by Sarah
Photos:
Nicholas Hunt/ Getty Images

2016 is, without doubt, an annus horribilis, a worldwide sh*tstorm that is starting to feel suspiciously like the first chapter in a dystopia novel. 2016 is the real-life equivalent of a Hieronymous Bosch painting—this detail of a bird-monster sh*tting bubble people while it eats a person that is sh*tting birds perfectly sums up the year so far. Full Story

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June 28, 2016 – Smutty Shout-Outs

June 28, 2016 14:19:28 Posted at June 28, 2016 14:19:28
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Kara! Happy Birthday! Lynn thought you’d love a picture of Jon Snow as a gift. Here he is. And congratulations on the promotion… in Amsterdam! Christina Archambault is mother two boys battling breast cancer for the second time. The first time around she was 25 years old, in 2011, and had just met her future husband, Marc. Full Story

Modesty is a leather jacket

June 27, 2016 21:04:00 Posted at June 27, 2016 21:04:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
WENN

When you’re not wearing pants, but you’re wearing a leather jacket, this means you are modest and demure…according to exactly no one except our Mimi. And why? If you actually asked this question seriously I can’t even talk to you because the reason is obvious: I’ve been telling you for how many months now that Mimi is SKINNY. Full Story

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Michelle and Rory, Sitting in a Library

June 27, 2016 19:21:27 Posted at June 27, 2016 19:21:27
Duana Posted by Duana

When Barack and Michelle Obama became the most media savvy and best-dressed First Couple in our collective memories, we all nodded, sage. It made sense. Sure, Barack would want to keep his Blackberry, and obviously Michelle Obama wore Lululemon. (OMG, that last sentence. Were we ever so young? Now he has a toddler phone Full Story

Smutty Tingles

June 27, 2016 18:42:54 Posted at June 27, 2016 18:42:54
Lainey Posted by Lainey

You have to admire this girl’s tenacity. She wanted that title as much as Taylor Swift wanted her Grammys (Dlisted

Did I miss that Victoria Beckham took out her extensions? (Just Jared

Is Her Majesty on Team Regrexit? (Cele|bitchy

Tell me what other song this reminds me of… I can’t figure it out! (TooFab)  

Jennifer Garner’s weekend at church (Pop Sugar

A single status bikini shot (The Superficial

An Olivia Munn bikini shot (Hollywood Tuna

Gabrielle Union in one shoulder at the BET Awards (Go Fug Yourself

Justin Bieber’s video girl got married (Gossip Girl
 

Kanye West: Naked and Famous

June 27, 2016 18:25:34 Posted at June 27, 2016 18:25:34
Kathleen Posted by Kathleen

Oh, Kanye. The Famous video is SO Kanye. First, it was an event. Say what you will about Kanye West but for his entire career, the man has always put next-level effort into his music videos. Yeezy’s hustle is second to none. Full Story