What to Watch When Christmas Turns You Quaint

December 20, 2012 19:30:37 Posted at December 20, 2012 19:30:37
Dean Posted by Dean

I live in New York City. I waste hours a day on the internet. I have serious guilt about my Amazon usage.  I’m bloggin’. The point I’m trying to make is that I’ve pretty much embraced modern urban life.

But something changes every year when the holidays arrive and I start to get intense cravings for The Quaint Life. Maybe it was 14 years of my mom and I collecting a porcelain Dickens Christmas village with embarrassing enthusiasm that did this to me (miss you, Ye Old Sweet Shoppe!). Whatever the reason, around Christmas I start deluding myself that they next few winter months will be an old-fashioned snow covered paradise filled with stuff like covered bridges (I have never seen one), quilts (I don’t own any), and homemade cider (made once, very expensive/not good). 

Where I can actually get this stupid itch scratched though is with some quality home viewing. So if you’re like me (ie. a frosty human Pintrest board), here are some suggestions for movies/tv episodes you can download to get your Quaint Fix over the Holiday break.

Little Women
(note: I’ve included the theme to this movie below, please click play before you read the following paragraph, for tone setting purposes)

Why face the reality of your horrible passive-aggressive family with their bad jokes and disappointing gifts, when you can float away to Orchard House with the much more charming March Family and Winona in her prime?! Civil War era costumes, romantic poverty, debutantes, baby Christian Bale - this movie has everything to satisfy all your olde timey needs. And if by the time Jo has chosen Professor Bhaer you’re still looking for more March Madness, go on twitter to follow @amymarchslimes, the account I created last year that is, I think, my crowning creative achievement.

The Holiday
What’s really great about The Holiday is that it sucks, so you don’t even really have to watch it. The whole point of this movie is the location Nancy Meyers’s team found for Kate Winslet’s character to live in. It’s such a perfect archetype of an English cottage (I think Mom and I had a mini version of it in our Christmas village?) that you don’t even notice how annoying it is when beautiful angel Kate has to settle for Jack Black.

It’s worth watching the first scene with Cameron Diaz to be filled with holiday schadenfreude when you realize this is the absolute worst performance of her career but after that you can fast forward all the parts set in L.A. or use that time to get another glass of wine. Bonus point for Jude Law still being sexy in this one.

The Gilmore Girls – Season 2 Eps 10
I’m sure that half of you are GG haters, and I accept that, but when it comes to holidays and getting real f-cking cute, you have to give it up to the Sherman-Palladino productions. The plot of this episode is that the citizens of Stars Hallow are being treated to a historical Christmas feast at Lorelai’s Inn, which is basically an excuse for Sookie to talk about food and to get Luke and Lorelai in a carriage ride together. It’s ridiculous, of course, but ridiculous is what we’re after this time of year, plus Milo Ventimiglia and Jared Padalecki wrestle! (Is that creepy of me? Sorry/not sorry.)

A Muppet Family Christmas
This movie, where the Muppets, Sesame Street, and The Fragels comes together to celebrate the season at Fozzie Bear’s mom’s farm is all about nostalgia and chilling, so here’s what you do on Boxing Day when being stuck at your parents’ house has officially gotten old: 1) meet up with whichever friend from high school that’s most likely to have pot, 2) Get stoned, 3) Go home, take a big plate of leftovers into your room and turn this sucker on, 4) Sleep until it’s time to go back to your real life.
 

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