On Crampons and Crossbows

May 6, 2013 12:56:52 Posted at May 6, 2013 12:56:52
Duana Posted by Duana

Game Of Thrones Season 3 Episode 6 recap

I worried there, for a minute. Lainey had put a bit of the curse in my head by talking about how happy Ygritte was, and how it spelled certain doom. Still I didn’t believe – not until she started talking about how Jon Snow was hers and to be loyal to her and “I’ve waited my whole life to see the world from up there”. Then I started to worry.

But before we get to any of that, we get to watch Sam & Gilly go on an awkward first date by a fire. And she asks for bedtime stories of the Wall, and at this point I’m in, as if I wasn’t already, because there’s nothing better than descriptions of food as a wooing technique. I’m not even kidding. I wonder whether there are long, lingering food descriptions in the book? I mean, maybe not because it was brutal times but if anyone was going to do it for me, I would want it to be Sam. I mean, who do you think is paying the most attention? 

It does seem as though the two of them are a little too calm in their travels, even though Gilly would like to be finished with the journey sooner than later. But they don’t seem particularly worried at what could be coming for them -  even though they’re not high on the fugitive list, exactly. All woods have been proven to be a little dangerous if you come upon someone you don’t know. They can’t all be Jojen Reed,  and even he isnt’ having the easiest time of it. On top of Osha and his sister bitching at each other about the best way to skin a cat (fine, rabbit), he’s seizing in his sleep.   This is all well and good, but I’d like to see these guys all do something some time soon. Also, I know Bran is paralyzed, but it would do my heart good to see him propped up at a 90 degree angle just for a while. I’m really worried he’s going to experience some serious lower back pain. Also, watching those rabbits get skinned was kind of neat. I rewound. Am I a monster?

I am, of course, as I mentioned last week, just about all out of love for Arya Stark.   She’s awesome, yes. And she kicks ass generally. She’s going to be a hell of a marksperson in the very near future, and I love that her now-outed girliness is not going to get in her way if she can help it. But as she gets taller, and looks more like an adult – to say nothing of a woman – I think saying whatever the hell she thinks is foolish rather than clever, and that it’s getting worse by the minute. The bigger she gets with no social adeptness, the more she’s vulnerable to people taking advantage of her. A sword can only go so far, and if she’s going to find herself having to understand “what’s the big deal” about certain beautiful-type people, she’d be better off getting wiser.

I was interested in Melisandre’s investigation of the Lord of Light’s works -- in particular, the tete-a-tete with Thoros in High Valerian was entertaining -- and  really compelled by her  interest in Arya. I was also thoroughly surprised to find that, when she’s actually in the daylight, I don’t find her as hard to look at. But I still think Arya could be playing things smarter (which would, in turn, make things more boring for us, so I’m not complaining that much).  

After all, look at brother Robb. He’s not only wiggled out of the marriage he promised to be in, he’s all of a sudden found a willing (or at least guilty enough) uncle to take his place and marry one of the Frey daughters. It must be nice. Still, I can’t hate Robb as much these days now that he has a backbone. It kind of makes me think of who’s torturing Theon, too (yes, I know it’s EvilSimon!, or Barry if you prefer, but that’s only for the 10 of us who get that reference), since he won’t give up his allegiance or identity. Instead he’s just brutal. I mean, can you imagine if he can elicit that much pain from a baby finger? What would happen when he started paying attention to, say, your Achilles tendon? I shudder to think, but I can’t wait. I also wonder whether, given we know everything that Theon knows, he’s actually going to spend the season having said less than 500 words.

Anyway, then we get a truly awesome scene with Tyrion and Cersei discussing how truly f-cked they are, but not before another truly awesome scene with Tywin Lannister and Olenna Tyrell discussing whether or not Loras will have to marry Cersei and all her dried-up ovaries. This was, frankly, a lot of fun, and though much was made of the sword-swallower line, and the implication that Tywin would have dabbled in a little of that particular sport himself, I also really enjoyed this exchange:

TL: “I don’t care what people believe, and neither do you.”

OT: “As an authority on myself, I must disagree.”

Then, of course, the sad fate of Tyrion and Cersei is examined in a scene that made me feel like they were both grounded from watching TV, because finally, for once, their fates are about equal. Sure, Sansa Stark is arguably getting the raw end of the deal, but not really, since she’s marrying arguably the most sane Lannister within the reaches of King’s Landing. But it didn’t stop her from weeping like a fool as she saw Littlefinger’s ship pull away, as though she didn’t realize her any-way-the-wind-blows delightedness was going to get back to him. Sansa is, at least for now, thoroughly out of options. But again, given what certain options were – given what happens when Joffrey Baratheon is given a plaything – she’s in a far better state than she realizes. Roz, I barely know what to say. You deserved better.

….and maybe I was hungry during this episode, but most of what I could think about in the Jaime and Brienne scene (after “oh my God, I can’t believe she has to wear that”) was that he should just spear the whole piece of meat and chomp at it, Roast-Beast style. I don’t worry too much about the two being separated,  since I know Jaime is clever …

And because I had to save all my fear for Jon and Ygritte. Man, I want to flirt with a boy about crampons and really extend the word “tonnnnnnnnngguuue” when I tease him in front of everyone.  The Wall is, my all accounts, a little CGI, but it was still dramatic, I still cared, and I still cheered when she got to see the world from up there. 

Well…I had a lot to say about what was, apparently, a “slow” episode.  Onward to the final four. Here’s hoping for more Danaerys and, who am I kidding – more Hodor!

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