Worst in Show: George & the Italian Queen
Let’s start with Ely. Elisabetta Canalis made it to the Super Bowl. She’s been workin’ it for months. Months. So you’d think, you’d think she’d bring it home hard, non?
Totally predictable that she wore red. She didn’t bother washing her hair. And it’s a sateen disaster. The Italian Queen is a rail of a woman, and this dress not only gave her a gut, it also gave us the outline of her goddamn thong. UNFRESH. Chacha, is that what you call your best? What a f-cking disappointment. Up to now Ely was owning our asses, playing him, and everyone else.
The curious thing is that it started off so well...
Her dress was for sh-t but they arrived on a high note. We caught her on our etalk cameras greeting Meryl Streep. Like the Streep stopped to talk to her. Not bad, right? Somewhere along the press line however, it was like a switch had flipped. Was it Sherri Shepherd?
It was one of Duana’s favourite moments:
Okay, so it was a tired bit about how much Sherri Shepherd wanted George Clooney on ABC's official carpet. There was some rigmarole about how Elisabetta didn't understand that Sherri was hitting on George. Same old patter.
But when Canalis - sensing they were talking about her - leaned in to say something, Shepard just literally moved the mic away from her. Nope, not for you!
I got really, really excited. Shepherd doesn't have a lot of sway in Hollywood and it's not like she and George are going to have to get over this to replicate their friendship, but I really enjoyed that she got that one off.
Honorable mention is when she said The Last Station was a love story "Between Two Grown People, which we don't see every day". Grown People = euphemism for 'old as hell'. I...might be joining Shepherd's Fan Club. But I swear that I will never watch the View. Maybe only when I'm sick. But I won't record it.
So the Italian Queen gets shut down by the official ABC pre-show and on that note, George and Ely entered the Kodak. F-CKING AMAZING.
Could that explain his crusty pants?
I believe that the bit with Martin and Baldwin was planned. I don’t believe that Clooney would get pissed about something so trivial. But that also doesn’t account for why he had a bitch on his face the rest of the night. Like he had better things to do. Like he’d rather be saving Haiti, which is admirable of course, but the only reason he has the opportunity to save Haiti is because the motherf-cker is an ACTOR. It’s the world that made him, and that world was celebrating its biggest night, and if he’s over it, then he needs to get out of it. Far as I know however George Clooney is still making movies. Because he wants our money. To pay his gardener at his big ass house in Como. And if that’s the case, don’t show up on Hollywood’s biggest night, as Hollwood’s current Chairman, with a pout in your pants because it’s not your night to win.
George Clooney has rarely behaved like a petulant child. And George Clooney was a petulant child last night. And he was slow to get up for standing ovations. And for her it was like asking for a kidney donation.
Is this a problem? Is the Italian Queen becoming a problem?
There’s a lot of Clooney backlash happening today. That hooker needs to check himself.
PS. some catty details for you bitches out there. It’s not exactly politically correct though, so if you offend easily or are particularly sensitive, click away.
All across her forehead...pimples. Embedded underneath the skin. Now I’ve struggled with acne before so wait before you start yelling at me. This is not an indictment on those who struggle with acne. And certainly not on regular folk. You and I are not sold as international beauty queens, with Roberto Cavalli talking like we were created by Botticelli himself. Completely different standard. Remember. People Magazine told us she’s perfect. So yeah, Ely isn’t blemish-free.
Photos from Flynetonline.com and MARK RALSTON, Jason Merritt, John Shearer, Alberto E. Rodriguez/Gettyimages.com