Keith Urban: summoned to Australia

December 28, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at December 28, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey
You might be sick of my tagline but even the most amateur of gossips, the most hardcore of Nicole believers has to concede at this point that this recent well timed photo opp, in Australia no less, is much more Conspiracy than it is Coincidence. Especially since some flooze decided to blow the top off of her long term relationship with Keith, complete with illustrations and suggestive photos, to expose the fraud that is the Kidman/Urban marriage. As you likely already know, her name is Amanda Wyatt, she lives in Nashville, she met him at a bar, she says he was screwing her before Nicole and has continued to screw her after Nicole, just days in fact before he entered rehab in October, on the heels of a report in The National Enquirer exposing another incident of infidelity only three months before their public Sydney wedding. And as I told you back then – exclusively I might add – there will be more women and there will be more scandal and there will be more hollow denials and there will most certainly be more image-saving and image-making. But even though Amanda Wyatt is certainly not innocent, even though she probably deserves the cheap and opportunistic labels now associated with her name, and even though Keith is the sinner and the drug user and the cheater, you might want to hold off before shedding any sympathy tears for Nicole Kidman. As I’ve reported all along, word from Nashville is that this is a relationship based not on love but on business: a contracted husband for her in exchange for the fame and international crossover success he has craved forever. “Marry me and I will deliver Hollywood and Australia. Especially Australia” – it’s the widely held belief among Country gossips, that her dangling apple was the gift of conquering his home country, where she is the reigning princess, where he has always wanted to achieve a level of superstardom that had eluded him pre-Freeze. According to my sources, Nicole knew about his exploits and she knew about his reputation and neither made a difference. Their arrangement allegedly exists on a “hear no evil, say no evil” basis: as long as he doesn’t embarrass her, as long as he doesn’t get “caught”, she supposedly couldn’t give a sh-t what he does, as long as he continues to publicly profess his devotion, as long as her shiny skin continues to bear the illusion of a woman in love, a woman for whom a man would pen a cheesy-ass love song, a woman almost 40 still desirable to a man desired by others, so long as this picture remains firmly planted in the public consciousness and the contract honoured, everything else was not only condoned, it was accepted. But then…the most curious development. Nicole the Bride becomes Nicole the Honourable – standing by her man, a softer image, an Ice Queen not so icy, dealing bravely with an addicted husband, “it was the alcohol that cheated…not Keith!” Suddenly Nicole Kidman has become the Jennifer Aniston of 2006, much more personable and more “relatable” to the MiniVan Majority and having spent a decade with the Master Manipulator, the Gay Midget Dwarf, Nicole is nothing if not shrewd. Which is why so she has elected NOT to bail, dutifully respecting her vows, of course, but also milking the generous hearts of a sympathetic public suffering along with her… Well played, non? So here you have it – just in time for Boxing Day, in a show of solidarity against the claims of Amanda Wyatt, Keith took a “break” from rehab to join his wife in Australia. And yet, despite being apart for months and therefore craving some privacy and intimacy, somehow photographers found them leaving a film studio, her face as smooth as a baby’s bottom, fresh flowers adorning her head, a smile and a wave perfectly presented for the hungry pappies fortuitous enough to be in the right place at the right time… Coincidence or conspiracy??? Well, for those of you still unwilling to believe the elaborate lengths of the aforementioned plan, consider that throughout his “ordeal”, throughout this course of “treatment”, his mother has not been seen at all. His mother who toured with him, who adores him, his mother who has established many ties of her own in Nashville, his mother has been glaringly absent. And believe me, this is a woman who has been trotted out very ceremoniously when required. The fact that she has stayed away from the circus speaks volumes, as told to me by a Nashville source today, unedited below: “She (his mother) wants the best for Keith and we want the best for Keith. Keith has his issues, no doubt about that but Keith is Country. We don’t invite the paparazzi to take pictures of us and our demons. We get better, we move on, we sing about it, and we deal. We just want Keith back the way he used to be instead of whatever he is now. That’s what this Amanda Wyatt is trying to say – you come here to Nashville and I guarantee you you’ll hear the same thing from a hundred other people. We don’t know the new Keith. And we don’t know Nicole – and don’t’ go believin’ it when they say she lives here. She don’t live here, no way.” And finally…what of Amanda Wyatt? Have a look at this special treat. Nicole Kidman, despite the immovable forehead, and the creepy shiny skin, Nicole Kidman’s elegance and style is totally undeniable. So imagine… imagine you’re Nicole Kidman, head to toe Balenciaga, the face of Chanel, imagine your husband preferring THIS to you? A drag queen over the incomparable Satine? sh-t, forget the cheating. I’d divorce my husband for simply eyeballing this girl, nevermind tapping it, though as he just told me five minutes ago: you can’t fine dine every day, “sometimes you just gotta pig out on Taco Bell for the grease and the followup farts”…which is apparently guy-speak for going ghetto once in a while and clearly, Keith Urban likes to go ghetto more often than that. Source and Us Weekly
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