Tagging along with Leo

December 31, 2012 16:13:07 Posted at December 31, 2012 16:13:07
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
INF

In this case, We Are All Jonah Hill.

Look at him with Leonardo DiCaprio in Sydney the other day, gratefully accepting his role as Bro of Leo, down with his boy at all times of day and night, whatever he needs, and keeper of all secrets, honoured to have been bestowed the position. For now?

But wouldn’t it be amazing if one day, Jonah Hill pulled a Truman Capote on the Pussy Posse? “All literature is gossip”, Capote said, so there’s your answer the next time some pretentious twat tries to make you feel like sh-t for caring about the time Ben Affleck went to a peeler bar and slipped his finger inside when a dancer was on his lap. (Click here for one of the best articles of the year in Vanity Fair on Capote’s incredible self-inflicted social suicide. It’s so good you’ll read it twice, back to back.) Truman exposed his swans in Esquire. Jonah’s revelation could be a screenplay... and I would hope he’d win an Oscar for it if that’s the case. IF that’s the case...

Because...

Well...

Check out those two random girls rubbing up on each other on that boat. I mean, this is what it means to be part of the Leo DiCaprio inner circle. For this, and many other benefits, no one before Jonah has ever betrayed it. And, given what I know and have observed of him, he won’t be the first. A few years ago, I was at Dan Tana’s with some friends, waiting for a table. We had reservations but it was a full house. Jonah walked in with 3 friends and, when informed that he wouldn’t be seated right away, had no shame in dropping That Line: Do you know who I am? I’m Jonah Hill.

And now that guy is Leo D’s +1?!? Please. As IF he’d ever jeopardise it. Someone once explained it to me like this: even the discards you get off Leo’s table are better than anything you’ll ever get on your own.

Gross? Totally.

But then again, what gave you the idea that Leonardo DiCaprio sits around respecting women all day and wakes up the next morning, eager to do it all over again? There was probably a female age limit on that yacht. What do you think? Like 23?

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