Girls & Gifts

March 31, 2009 09:37:00 Posted at March 31, 2009 09:37:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Lindsay Lohan has been rolling around recently in a sweet ride – a Maserati valued at, so they say, $100,000. Her assistant nicked it last week and apparently it cost ten grand to fix the damage (very minor).

Aside: why the f-ck does unhireable Lindsay Lohan have an assistant??? I work 2 ½ jobs, I don’t have an assistant. You work your ass off, and on weekends, you don’t have an assistant. She’s 22, unemployed, and not handicapped….

She has an assistant. What? She can’t pick up her own smokes?

So anyway, about the car – turns out it belongs to some dude called Dennis DeSantis. He’s a porn king. A porn king who just decided he’d let Lindsay Lohan – who once crashed her Mercedes up on a curb and took off from the scene and who also, like a wild methhag, high speed chased a woman down the Pacific Coast Highway – borrow his luxury vehicle indefinitely.

And TMZ insists there are no strings attached. Oh… of course not.

No strings attached. Only a penis.

But this is a child of Dina Lohan. This is a woman who has taught her children to ALWAYS accept gifts, no matter who’s giving them, because free sh-t is the best sh-t, the more expensive it is, the quicker you say yes.

My mother wouldn’t agree.

When I was younger she told me repeatedly that beauty pageants are for whores in training. You know the winner would always get a new BMW or an apartment and she’d always turn to me like it was an emergency to warn:

He gives you the car, you give him your vagina! So growing up I’d always thing that Miss Hong Kong contestants were expected to hand over their genitals as soon as they put the crown on their heads.

It’s actually a pretty accurate metaphor. Where Lindsay Lohan is concerned? He might not want payback right now, but one day, down the road, when all these little “favours” have accumulated, when the cars and the cash and the career, when all of it becomes inextricably linked, he’ll call in for what she owes him. These kinds of men…they always do.

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson seen the other night at Queen Latifah’s birthday.


Photos from Wenn.com

Previous Article Next Article