As I said on the show last night, Dolly Parton exploded all over her dress. I can’t…I can’t talk about this dress. Like what the f-ck in hick town hill billy is she wearing? And seriously, did her parents raise her in a convenience store? Please… Please watch this video. Please note her mannerisms. Full Story

I love her so much. I love that there aren’t five million things attached to her head. I love that if I told you she woke up with hair looking pretty much like this you’d believe me. Don’t you prefer when someone shows up on a carpet knocking it out of the stratosphere without seeming like they agonised over it for a month? Like Kate Beckinsale? Or, ahem, me? Anyway. Full Story

This hurts me. Very badly. Because I love her. She is perfect. She is kind and smart and she purrs. Michelle says she purrs when she talks. She can purr in my ear all day. Of course she’s sooooo beautiful too. But the hair, the hair is so obviously a fake, some kind of wig/weave/whatever…it made me sad. Full Story

Apparently winning an Oscar now gives her the right to demonstrate her Bitch Face. Amazing. At the very end of the Hugh Jackman/Beyonce/Mamma Mia number, Hugh shouted out “Musicals are back”! Or something to that effect. Take a look at Pene’s expression. She does not agree. Penelope Cruz hates musicals So yeah, I was underwhelmed by her dress. Full Story

Again…back to the pool feed. Laura, my producer, who is still aching for him, almost launched herself off the balcony when he walked by. This is after Daniel Craig, her other love, had passed earlier and she barely reacted except to hiss into my face: Satsuki is ugly! We’ll save this for later. Full Story

MK Olsen, having no use for them anymore after the Spirit Awards, loaned her prunes to Vanessa Hudgens last night who gave them a very good workout, in between moments when she wasn’t scowling about her dress. Bitch, if you can’t control the dress, don’t f-ckin’ wear it. Also – it looked cheap. Full Story

He was BORED. He looked bored from the moment they arrived, he looked bored up and down the carpet, he looked bored at Vanity Fair, he looked bored because he wasn’t doing what HE wanted. This photo of them touching noses – the man is straight up queasy at the sheer proximity of his wife. Full Story

He flew way under the radar this awards season in a category dominated by Heath Ledger. Best part about Josh Brolin however is that he didn’t seem to mind. They were chill last night he and Diane. Very relaxed, enjoying the moment, knowing there was no chance, totally free to celebrate with their friends. Full Story

You know I love her. And her hair in Mamma Mia was my hair inspiration last night. Amanda Seyfried is definitely a “next”. Most of Meryl’s girls are: Emily Blunt, Amy Adams, Anne Hathaway, Amanda Seyfriend… only Lindsay Lohan managed to f-ck it up. But Amanda, for her first Oscars, on a night of many red dresses, oh this was not good. Full Story

Loki could not save Mickey. Oh Loki. You saw it coming, didn’t you? Last Monday in New York, Mickey Rourke stumbles into Butter and it happens to be Ebola Paris Hilton’s birthday party. Instead of leaving, he sits down and celebrates with her… and suddenly his beloved dog Loki dies. Full Story

It’s quite a group isn’t it? Can you picture Mickey sliding in there? No… Mickey is not one of them. Adrien Brody is very much one of them, even though he’s a hypocrite douche. Like, did you hear him during the presentation? While introducing Richard Jenkins, he opened with “not that I’m a fan of google”, like it was beneath him to be a famewhore. Full Story

Just wanted to point out – Seth Meyers and Ricky Gervais were part of the Oscar writing staff last night. I’m sure Tina also had something to do with the fact that Steve Martin was way funnier presenting an Academy Award than he was hosting Saturday Night Live a few weeks ago. Tina not wearing black or grey. Full Story

She’s killing that song for me. Is she killing it for you? Suddenly At Last has become Beyonce’s signature song. Suddenly At Last is getting removed from my iPod. First though, let’s start with the carpet dress. The carpet dress was the ass. The carpet dress blinded half the bleacher section. Full Story

Those kids… you had to see those kids! In person those kids made the night. Look at them all dressed up and excited! It was bedtime for them when I was leaving the press room. Ran into the Slumdog child contingent on their way out of the Governor’s Ball. Two of the boys skipped up the escalators. Full Story