Worst of 2010: John Mayer in Playboy
This was the interview where he called Jessica Simpson sexual napalm. Totally offside and really, really disrespectful and I know this is wrong but every time I hear that expression now, SEXUAL NAPALM, I see Porny and her high waisted pants and, well, I chuckle.
But it was – if anything –the only funny part of an interview that was terrifyingly stupid and offensive.
Here are some examples:
On Jessica Simpson: "(Jessica was a drug). And drugs aren't good for you if you do lots of them. Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me. Sexually it was crazy. That's all I'll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, 'I want to quit my life and just f-cking snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f-ck you, I would start selling all my sh-t just to keep f-cking you.”
On Jennifer Aniston: "That woman would never use heartbreak warfare. That woman was the most communicative, sweetest, kindest person. I'm going to say (I’ve had sex with) four or five (after Jen). No more. But even if I said 12, that's a reasonable number. So is 15. Here's the thing: I get less ass now than I did when I was in a local band. Because now I don't like jumping through hoops. I hate being the heartbreaker. Hate it. If I date somebody and it doesn't work out, it's another nightmare for me. From now on I’m just going to pretend that people really dig the sh-t out of me. I've been trying to prove to people I'm not a douche bag by not dating, by keeping my name out of Us Weekly. That's f-cked up, man. I'm not dating. I'm not even f-cking. So now I'm going to experiment with 'f-ck you.' In 2010 my goal is to get more mentions in Us Weekly than ever."
On what probably happened with Taylor Swift: “Because I want to show (a girl I’m with that) I’m not like every other guy. Because I hate other men. When I’m f-cking you, I’m trying to f-ck every man who’s ever f-cked you, but in his ass, so you’ll say “No one’s ever done that to me in bed. Here’s what I really want to do at 32: f-ck a girl and then, as she’s sleeping in bed, make breakfast for her. So she’s like, “What? You gave me five vaginal orgasms last night, and you’re making me a spinach omelet? You are the sh-t!” So she says, “I love this guy.” I say, “I love this girl loving me.” And then we have a problem. Because that entails instant relationship. I’m already playing house. And when I lose interest she’s going to say, “Why would you do that if you didn’t want to stick with me?”
And the absolute worst...
John Mayer on black women, like he’s doing them a goddamn favour if he wants to go there: “I don’t think I open myself to (being with a black woman). My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a f-ckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick. I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Kerry Washington. She’s superhot, and she’s also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she’d be like, “Yeah, I sucked his dick. Whatever.” And you’d be like, “What? We weren’t talking about that.” That’s what “Heartbreak Warfare” is all about, when a girl uses jealousy as a tactic.”
In a way you feel sorry him. He’s that loser in high school who now gets to be featured in Playboy and in his mind Playboy is still the popular senior he desperately wanted to be so it wasn’t like he was talking to a magazine, it was like he was 15 again, yipping at the heels of the stud jock walking down the hall, trying to be heard.
He did eventually apologise for his remarks and retreated, even removing himself from Twitter, enjoying a really, really quiet fall in New York and, for his sake, maybe a little introspection has made all the difference. Maybe a new John Mayer will emerge from this period of reflection. But he has to prove it first. John Mayer has burned the right to the benefit of the doubt. After all, he’s made these promises before. He made them – as you’ll see in the apology video below – before he f-cked around with Taylor Swift. So... you know.
Attached – John Mayer in New York earlier this week.
To read the full Mayer Playboy interview click here.
Photos from Splashnewsonline.com