Xenu Smut Articles

Marky Mark hates Xenu

November 18, 2008 18:53:52 Posted at November 18, 2008 18:53:52
Lainey Posted by Lainey

This is Mark Wahlberg with his long suffering but ultimately rewarded baby mother today at a medical centre either on his way to play golf or just coming back from. Max Payne, Mark’s most recent film last month came and went at the box office, no doubt a major disappointment. At least he has Entourage. Full Story

She’s with them

October 7, 2008 09:01:15 Posted at October 7, 2008 09:01:15
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Jennifer Lopez last night at the Women in Hollywood event, kinda bland and frumpy, and posing with her Xenu bestie Leah Remini who actually looks possessed. Not unlike Katie Holmes. And John Travolta. And Kelly Preston. Oh yeah, and the GMD. And soon… Jennifer Lopez. In a new interview for the Daily Beast Full Story

My Kiki Loves Xenu???

September 11, 2008 12:01:59 Posted at September 11, 2008 12:01:59
Lainey Posted by Lainey

We’ve lost another one! And now I fear it’s time to cut off my Kiki. I LOVE Kirsten Dunst. But now Kirsten Dunst loves the Xenu… What to do? Kiki on the cover of the latest issue of Harper’s Bazaar after a stint in rehab for what she is calling “depression”. Kiki says she’s made a full recovery, explaining that she was once “"enormously co-dependent. Full Story

Gay Midget Dork in the Middle

June 2, 2008 07:00:00 Posted at June 2, 2008 07:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Of course they had to. Of course they had to pose with SJP. SJP just won the box office. And you know how the GMD loves to grow himself onto anything and anyone mildly successful. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes did not walk the carpet last night but tried to pimp their fraud love backstage and also loitered about, freakin’ people out with their crazy eyes, giving people chills with their weird intense stares. Full Story

The Son of the GMD is the Son of Will

April 22, 2008 06:19:00 Posted at April 22, 2008 06:19:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Connor Cruise has caught the acting bug and will be joining the family business. Connor has just signed on to Seven Pounds alongside the GMD’s BFF Will Smith and will play Will’s son, making all of their lives further intertwined. Full Story

Gold, Old, and Shady

April 21, 2008 07:54:00 Posted at April 21, 2008 07:54:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

As mentioned earlier, Tom and Katie were on hand for the Beckhams birthday party last night in Santa Monica. Which means that, again, In Touch Weekly is, as usual, full of ass. Katie is NOT leaving him. Maybe that’s why she looks like sh*t. That gold dress on Katie used to be a couch in Hong Kong at the Peninsula hotel – back in the 40s when ladies smoked out of long, slender pipes, and always wore gloves. Full Story

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Madge Pities the Midge

April 21, 2008 01:29:00 Posted at April 21, 2008 01:29:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Only Madonna. Only Madonna could attack the GMD’s virility under the guise of sympathy. Madge gave an interview to New York Magazine and defended Tom Cruise’s scientological fanaticism by comparing him to starving orphans in Africa: "He is a good person. Full Story

The GMD and Posh share shoes

April 21, 2008 01:12:00 Posted at April 21, 2008 01:12:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Little Sci turned 2 on Friday and her family threw her a private party. The paps were able to capture a few aerial shots of the celebration. There’s Isabella who spends, like, zero time with her mother, even though her mother has time to attend every Nashville Predators playoff game, writing a cute message in chalk on stone for her baby sister, and Connor too, speaking to his father who at the time was holding a doll. Full Story

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Tomorrow!

April 17, 2008 13:04:00 Posted at April 17, 2008 13:04:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Is Little Sci’s second birthday! Where in the world is Little Sci?!? I miss her! The GMD has been conserving Little’s power of late, some say to keep her out of the spotlight, some say because she’s already beginning her training with Xenu. But this week, In Touch splashed a titillating story on their cover, proclaiming that Katie somehow deprogrammed herself and is demanding to break free. Full Story

Xenu Hates Losers

April 15, 2008 09:34:00 Posted at April 15, 2008 09:34:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

His name is Jason Beghe. Once upon a time he worshipped at the altar of Xenu. Now he’s cut ties with the Church and is launching a vitriolic attack. Click here Full Story

The GMD’s latest setback

April 8, 2008 08:49:00 Posted at April 8, 2008 08:49:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Trouble ahead. Steel yourselves. No wonder he’s been ingratiating himself to Disney and even to Sumner Redstone – looks like United Artists is in trouble and the GMD is scrambling. Originally intended for a summer release, Valkyrie was then pushed back to October. Now it looks like the film has no chance of competing against the season’s award heavyweights which is why it’s just been announced that Valkyrie will not see the light of day until February 2009. Full Story

La Petite Sci

April 3, 2008 09:16:00 Posted at April 3, 2008 09:16:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

She looks French! Somehow the GMD and KatE Holmes Cruise were able to produce a Gallic heir. Look at that pout! And that adorable overbite… seriously, how can you not love Little Sci! Elle est trop mignone! From the pages of the new OK! Magazne Full Story

Like GMD, Like GMD!

April 1, 2008 10:59:00 Posted at April 1, 2008 10:59:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Katie’s new haircut – it looks like the GMD! He wants her to complete him… by BECOMING him! CHILLS, CHILLS, and more f&cking CHILLS! Here’s Katie last night out for dinner. Hard to say for sure if it suits her (I kinda like it), at least not until we get a better shot, and still not known whether it’s for a role, but you bet your leather chaps and feathers that her husband likes it very very much. Full Story

Little Sci Almost 2!

March 27, 2008 13:51:00 Posted at March 27, 2008 13:51:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

The world has been clamouring for more Little Sci, especially since it seems the GMD and Robobride have kept her tucked away for quite some time now, supposedly because they want to jack up the value of her 2nd birthday photos. Attached – scans from a German magazine (thanks to German readers for the tip) of the most recent photo of Little Sci taken at an LA park. Full Story