Ryan Lochte: The Bachelor in green pants

August 10, 2012 16:56:15 Posted at August 10, 2012 16:56:15
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
Splash, PCN

As Sasha tweeted at me yesterday - Please let him never stop being dumb.

Please let him never stop being Ryan Lochte, our favourite dum-dum, as Tina Fey would say.

Did you watch Ryan Lochte on The Today Show this morning? As soon as Ryan Lochte starts speaking, I smile. A wide smile. A smile full of affection as he tries to sort the verbs and the nouns out in his head, and given that it was a sweaty late night last night, remarkably lucid, although, if possible, he was actually talking slower than usual.

But I am impressed that Lochte pronounces “whirlwind” properly...because too many people (I’ve heard Justin Timberlake do this) too often go with “worldwind”. We talk good as a society, non?

As expected, Matt Lauer asked him about peeing in the pool - I am so over this - and his birthday and his Hollywood plans.

Oh yes.

Ryan Lochte is definitely going Hollywood.

Two days ago it was just Dancing With The Stars. Now it’s definitely The Bachelor too. He named both shows as aspirations. Which, from a network perspective was actually hilarious because NBC had to sit and eat it while ABC’s programming received a full pimp presentation on their morning flagship out of the mouth of an Olympian - ha!

Pretty soon it’ll be Ryan Lochte partying with Ebola Paris Hilton. If that’s the case, you can write off Rio 2016 because that sh-t, that piece of sh-t Hilton, it destroys dreams. And if not Ebola Hilton, maybe Lindsay Lohan at the Chateau Marmont? Trust me, as soon as Lochte gets to LA, Lohan will be all over it. Lochte, though cerebrally limited, he’s actually not badly intended. Hollywood tends to corrupt people like that.

Until then though, these are the last nights of Lochte in London. I don’t know who she is. I’m not sure he still knows who she is.

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