After not punking in pink at the MET Gala, Gwyneth Paltrow made an appearance at the Apple Store in Soho yesterday with her friend Jessica Seinfeld, wife of Jerry, and one of the best bitch-facers in the business. Look at her, in the shot I’m including below, straight on, with her head sort of tilted. Full Story

Co-hosted with the Seinfelds, Jessica and Jerry, in the Hamptons, of course. Where else? It’s August. That’s where you find the right people in August, didn’t you know? You can see evidence of a proper Hamptons summer all over G’s face. I worry about her skin though. I hope her SPF is strong enough. Full Story

If you don’t like Gwyneth, and many of you don’t, there’s a lot you’ll find annoying in her new spread for ELLE’s September issue. If, however, you’re like me and can appreciate Gwyneth at her best which is, naturally, better than you, this is one of her finest. The styling (by Joe Zee) is amazing. Full Story

So have you watched it yet? I wasn’t kidding. You thought Gwyneth Paltrow was annoying. And then you put her in a room with Jessica Seinfeld and turn the camera on and… I’m obsessed with this. Sometimes you can’t believe people can be so far up their own asses, you can’t pull your eyes away. Full Story

This week’s GOOP newsletter is a Q&A. Unfortunately she doesn’t answer any of the best questions we send her. Like: did you and Jennifer Aniston hold hands and cut down Angelina Jolie the entire time you were in Morocco? Or... Give us some examples of how you made Scarlett Johansson feel inferior on the set of Iron Man 2. Full Story

I have a Jessica Seinfeld problem. After all, gossip is my life. Jessica Seinfeld is the best gossip. You know how she and Jerry came to be. You know about the book and the clothes and the Oprah shoes and the Hamptons and the money and the Paltrows and the Madonnas... Jessica Seinfeld SCORED. And Jessica Seinfeld will cut a motherf-cker without hesitation. Full Story

Remember last year, when Madonna was supposedly f-cking ARod, they would steal away to Jerry Seinfeld’s place in the Hamptons? It seemed random, non? All favours in Hollywood are eventually repaid. Now Jerry Seinfeld is returning to television. It’s a reality show called The Marriage Ref featuring “opinionated celebrities, comedians and sports stars who will candidly comment, judge and offer different strategies for real-life couples in the midst of a classic marital dispute. Full Story

In fairness to Madonna, she’s got a decade on Nicole Kidman. Still…the sight of these two on the same carpet last night at the New York premiere of Nine must have been a plastic surgeon’s erection. What? But Granny Kidman doesn’t f-ck around with her face. That’s what she tells magazines. Full Story

When Oprah likes you…No, when Oprah LOVES you…she throws her full might behind whatever it is that you’re selling, leading her lambs to your project and guaranteeing smash hit success. Just ask Jessica Seinfeld. This weekend it was Barack Obama. Last night it was Denzel Washington at the premiere of The Great Debaters, a film he directed in which he also stars. Full Story

Jessica Seinfeld may indeed be the one woman alive who can rival Heather Mills’s goldiggery and yes, she is a manipulative bitch and absolutely a greedy twat. But still I am obsessed. Jessica Seinfeld has also allegedly ripped off someone else’s book. Jessica Seinfeld is apparently a plagiarist. Full Story